Blah, blah and blah

Caz

Repeat Offender
I feel rubbish. I'm proud of how I've done on this diet so far but I still feel so unhappy with how I look. I'm going to London tomorrow for a couple of days and I'm going to a friends gig where he's asked me to take photos too. It's really complicated but I don't think he really realises what I look like i.e. that I'm so fat. And it's like I don't want to go see him on Tuesday and him see me and just be like... oh, you're bigger than I realised. Even if he doesn't say it, he's probably going to think it. I probably would. I'd set myself a goal to fit into this dress that I had by this week and I'm a good few inches off of it, so a few weeks behind. I know I had Italy and a couple of weeks off, but still. I know I need to stop being silly and pull myself together, but it's easier said than done. I just have to wonder how I'm ever going to feel good about myself. No matter how I look or how much weight I lose. Does that make any sense?? Probably not! I should shut up now.
 
So sorry your feeling down .. we all have moments like this when we still don't like what we see in the mirror ... don't put presure on yourself , your a lovely person that hasn't changer thiner or not ! - hope you feel better before you go away and just think your 2 stone lighter :p
 
Yes you'd think that about yourself but would you think it about me? We are always our own harshest critic applying standards and knowledge about ourselves to make judgements that no-one else would make.

Eg a friend of mine recently tried CD, lasted a week and came off, she says that she feels I think she is a failure, that she's fat and weak and she must be happy being fat or she would have stuck at CD. That I am much stronger than her. Nothing could be further from the truth.
1. I don't think she's that fat.
2. I don't think she's weak its just not for her
3. I hadn't even thought about it past her week on it, I've enough of my own S*** to deal with to be quite frank
4. I don't think I'm that strong (as countless posts on here will prove)

So your friends in all probabilty more caught up in seeing you, gigging and photos, not your weight.

Have a good time, think like a thin person and theres no room for your "fat" head (which does go by the way, in time)
 
Thanks guys, your support gave me a bit of a boost :) Am feeling a lot better about everything today, think last night was just a bit of an off one!
 
((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

I can totally emapthsie here hun. I am exactly the same BUT we shoudl be proud of our achievements & WOW look at thsoe inches that ya shed hun thats fab!!!
I have a prom on teh 27th & have had to have teh dress altered cos I didnt make the goal I had set but I am sure I will still look gorgeous (listen to me lol, easy to write down but wouldnt dare say that out loud unless I was taking p*ss outta myself) we really are our own worst enemies cos other peopel dont beat us up half as much as we do to ourselves.
You will look fab hun & ALL us larger ladies are far nicer than them naturally thin ones lol

Let us know how it goes & try to enjoy!!
Niki
xx
 
i am having one of those days today Caroline, i feel like i will always be fat and ugly, even when i am in the healthy range and can buy nice clothes! i think the head work is the hardest thing to work on, that's the real battle!
 
I know exactly how you feel - It was my best friend from school's wedding on Friday and because the last time we saw each other, I was 9 stone, I refused to go - I actually lied and said that we were going away for the weekend and wouldn't be around... how crap is that ?
I feel ashamed of my size but even more so disgusted with myself that I have lied to a good friend who probably wouldn't care less what I looked like...
 
Don't know if this is any help but it is working for me at times when I see people I wish I saw -for the first time or in that capacity or after a long while- at goal.

Think of how, if you were at goal he'd think nothing of it, your whole work that you've put in not recognized. Also think you'd wonder if he'd like you if you were your former fat self. Now he gets the chance to be the person you want him to be and like you as you are today as well as be very shocked when he sees you next at goal. Think about his face that day.

I hope that came out right :) Most importantly, have fun and remember, what you look like one particular evening, to one particular person and in one particular dress is but a fleeting moment, what you'll look like at goal and maintaining is the rest of your life!
 
Hey Caroline,
Just wanted to send big hugs hon..
I am sure you will go and have a fab time.. and I am sure your friend wont even think about your weigh.. you will both be there having a fab time. So chin up your doing so well sweetie x
 
Thanks guys, you're all so great, don't know what I'd do without you!! I think it was just a bad night, I often think those things though but generally I'm able to snap myself out of them! Today's the day when I head to London and go to my friend's gig. To be honest I don't know why I'm making a big deal out of it, I doubt he is! I'll just spend the evening reminding him how amazingly lucky he is that I'm there having driven 140 miles just to take their photographs! hehe I nearly didn't end up getting there, was meant to go yesterday but discovered my radiator had a serious leak going on so had to go and buy a new one and spend a few hours replacing it. Hassle!! This gig better be worth it!
 
Hey just thought I'd give a quick update! I went to the gig and met up with my friend and as you all said it was perfectly fine. I didn't feel self conscious of my weight at all. He didn't seem to notice and certainly didn't comment. And I had some lovely comments from my old housemates saying how they noticed I'd lost weight and how great I looked, so was a good trip!!
 
So glad to hear that it was so positive and you had fun. Negativity hits us all when we are feeling low - I'm sure I'm not alone in avoiding social events cos of feeling too fat and it's a reminder that friends just want to see YOU for who you are not how much you weigh!
 
Hey Caroline - sorry I missed this post first time round - glad you had a good time!
My sister once said something to me which I think is very true - 'Helen, we are all only the centre of our own universe' - i.e. the stuff you think about yourself and assume other people think about you is probably wrong. Your friend was probably worried that he didn't look right, that the gig wouldn't be good etc. Think about it - how much notice do you REALLY take of other people after the first glance? No one will ever judge you as harshly as you judge yourself. Ever xx
 
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