Pestering

This may be unique to me because of my job, but I suspect it isn't at all.

I am currently suffering from being relentlessly pestered about weight loss. People who see me EVERY WEEK will comment every time they see me about how much weight I have lost. Yeah, great, you noticed. Now shut up.

I feel like I'm being scrutinised, and of course I probably am, but it makes me feel terribly uncomfortable having it pointed out all the time - as if my weight is public property. Having someone admiringly say "you're the incredible shrinking woman" each week is borderline. Having someone scrunch up their face at me and then announce matter-of-factly "you've lost more weight" every time they see me is slightly annoying (and creepy!). Having them keep asking how much I've lost is intrusive. Having them ask how much I weigh is downright rude.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's really nice when people notice and comment. I totally understand that it's noticeable to people who only ever see me wearing lycra. But I don't want them to mention it every time they see me. Why do people do this? Are they afraid I will think they have lost their powers of observation if they don't keep harping on about it?

Hi Kate,

I found this very hard to handle myself when I got down to under eleven and half stone as I was not use to it and I do think this is one of the reason my weight went back on...now I think I have grown a thicker skin and will I hope be able to handle it.

I will let you know when I lose this weight again...how it goes.

From being invisible to being visible takes getting use too!

Love Mini xxx

The stupid thing is that it was never like this when I did CD and was losing weight about twice as fast as I am at the moment!

They are probably just jealous cos you are so focussed hun!

You are right too though, you have a very 'on show' kind of job and everyone in your class thinks you are their own private property!

Be glad they are taking an interest I suppose , knowing you, you've already given some kind of clever comeback

Glad you are doing so well. And yes, I know, I have to book a coffee date in sometime soon....

Hi Kate,

Maybe also when you first started CD you were not a fitness trainer with classes so you were not seeing as many people or people with the same interest in fitness and health as you do now?

Perhaps its law of averages the more you are seeing the more people there are to comment about your loss.

Linda

Kate said:

This may be unique to me because of my job, but I suspect it isn't at all.

I am currently suffering from being relentlessly pestered about weight loss. People who see me EVERY WEEK will comment every time they see me about how much weight I have lost. Yeah, great, you noticed. Now shut up.

I feel like I'm being scrutinised, and of course I probably am, but it makes me feel terribly uncomfortable having it pointed out all the time - as if my weight is public property. Having someone admiringly say "you're the incredible shrinking woman" each week is borderline. Having someone scrunch up their face at me and then announce matter-of-factly "you've lost more weight" every time they see me is slightly annoying (and creepy!). Having them keep asking how much I've lost is intrusive. Having them ask how much I weigh is downright rude.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's really nice when people notice and comment. I totally understand that it's noticeable to people who only ever see me wearing lycra. But I don't want them to mention it every time they see me. Why do people do this? Are they afraid I will think they have lost their powers of observation if they don't keep harping on about it?

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Oh thank GOD!!!! I thought it was only me who had this problem!!!! I work in health too, and the majority of women I work with are obsessed with weight. When I first lost weight, people were just outrageously over the top in their reactions - people said I was 'tiny', it was 'amazing' and bla bla blaaaaa! I have worked out that I think this was a major factor in the extra poundage I am carrying at the moment - I hated the attention so much that i regained a bit to give myself some 'space' to get used to being slimmer!

Not only do people STILL comment on it, but 10 months after I started eating again people STILL think it's acceptable to comment on my choices at lunch. When I choose to eat fish and chips on a friday (once in a blue moon I hasten to add), I get comments like 'so you're not still doing that healthy eating thing then? Or is this just a "blip"', when I go to the local sandwich bar (to get soup and an unbuttered roll) I get comments like 'don't do it, you'll be tempted', when I choose to eat salad I get comments like 'ooooh, that looks healthy' (same comments I get when i eat a jacket spud with humus and carrot, from the same sarnie shop, which is delicious, but v v high in calories, and therefore from that point of view, not 'healthy' at all!). I try very very hard not to overanalyze what all these comments mean, cos it would drive me nuts, but it's hard not to. I do know that a lot of people fully expected me to be right back where I started by now, and the fact that I'm not is a source of constant surprise to them.

Glad it's not just me, but sheesh! People eh?!!!! Can't live with em, can't pay my mortgage without em!

Well i feel the opposite to you guys, i loved and still love the attention i get from people about my weight, it's my favourite subject to talk about.

People will say all kinds of things like, should you really still be on those packs, surely you can't do this for the rest of your life blah blah but it really doesn't bother me - and will always get drawn into the discussion..

It kills me now that i'm over target tho and people must be thinking oh here she goes piling it all back on again!!! I openly admit to people that i binge and that i'm a feast or famine kind of person and that yes i have put a stone back on.. Would love to hear what they say behind my back!

I even had an anonymous text from someone at work to as if i was putting my weight back on lol. Didn't appreciate that so much hahah

Karen1972 said:

It kills me now that i'm over target tho and people must be thinking oh here she goes piling it all back on again!!! I openly admit to people that i binge and that i'm a feast or famine kind of person and that yes i have put a stone back on.. Would love to hear what they say behind my back!

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Oooh god, really? I think I'd probably die if I knew what people were saying behind my back!

Oh yeah definitely!! It may hurt a little but i'd still love to know!!

On a training course a couple of weeks ago the trainer made each of us in turn leave the room while everyone else wrote on a bit of paper our plus and negative points! I loved it! Even though i got a fair few negatives, i knew what they would be! lol I think a lot of people got upset though!!!

Jees! That's just MEAN!!!! I'd hate that!!!

It was weird and most people did hate it.... There were a couple of comments i didn't appreciate especially from one girl but then we don't get on so only to be expected - a good opportunity to stick the knife in haha! I'm quite thick skinned, have had to be in my life to be honest - so then people perceive me as over confident, outspoken and direct - who me? never! haha

God, what did they say?!!

Dom1979 said:

When I first lost weight, people were just outrageously over the top in their reactions - people said I was 'tiny', it was 'amazing' and bla bla blaaaaa!

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Exactly! I first got the "tiny" comment when I reached size 16. I know I'm tall, but come on!

And as for the lunch thing - I get all that too, as well as "you won't want any of this, it's fattening" which is just hilarious. All food is fattening.

Linda, I probably had more people commenting about my losses when I was on CD - that wasn't a problem at all, and I'm pleased when people notice. It's the frequency of the comments, and the notion that it is appropriate to pester me about it, that bothers me. Also, this is quite a new thing. Last year, for example, I did get the odd admiring comment from participants when I'd lost a bit of weight, but none of this pestering.

I don't think anyone is jealous, Debbie - I think they're more likely to be impressed or admiring - they're just unaware of how rude they're being. Snippy comebacks are just as inappropriate so most of the time my response is to smile graciously and try not to get into yet another conversation on the topic (unless, of course, they want to discuss how they can get the same results, which is a different matter - that's my job ).

I suppose when you are in the public eye, especially in a fitness capacity, people aspire to you and want to do as well as you.

I can see how continuous comments would be irritating.

I think people do not mean to be rude they just do not think.

I'm also really pleased that others feel the same about this. It hasn't started happening on a grand scale yet but 20 years ago when I did the CD and lost 4 stones in 3 months I had comments all the time. People were watching my every move. I didn't tell anyone I was going on the diet then for a reason - it wasn't any of their business.

When you get compliments all the time about weight loss it is really irritating. I don't understand why others feel the compulsion to go on and on about it. Its really quite insulting as it sort of suggests that your weight is the most important thing about you - not whether you have a great personality or are talented too.

I am dieting for myself - yes I want hubby to think I look good but I know he loves me and likes how I look anyway. I do want to look better in my clothes but my main goal in life is to try and be the best person I can be.

I do understand that some dieters need a lot more support and attention but frankly I've read a couple of people's diaries on here recently and couldn't believe how needy and attention-seeking the authors were. I thought the object of reading them would be that they would inspire you but I've been really put off reading some.

I don't read some people's diaries because:
a) Some dieters seem to crave attention (particularly attention from the opposite sex) all the time;
b) Some fall off the program most days which to me says they would like to be slimmer/healthier but don't want to put the effort in;
c) I get a bit fed up with hearing the 'poor you' and 'never mind' replies even from the counsellors. Sometimes it seems to be that the dieter needs a bit of tough love to spur them on and not sympathy.

It concerns me a bit that some dieters could be swapping a food addiction for an addiction to attention-seeking and compliments and I just think it might not be a very healthy response. Having said that I've become a bit addicted to this site myself over the last few days - will have to wean myself off it

Other stories are inspirational and informative.

I guess I've probably offended some with my forthright opinion about this but I truly didn't intend to. Just thought I'd like to put another point of view.

Everyone's entitled to express their opinions I suppose - unfortunately, some opinions can evoke a great deal of insecurity amongst people who are vulnerable or fragile.

And that's my opinion.

I agree RD. Sweetpea - If you don't like what someone has written in their online diary - then fine. Don't read it. But don't broadcast at full volume your take on their lives and motivations for all to read.
Personally I think it is very brave of people to keep a diary and expose their innermost thoughts for others to read. I find all the diaries I subscribe to really inspirational as they portray the journey warts and all - some of the best insights into crooked thinking I have come across have been after a lapse and these good people feel able to share their struggles and insights with the rest of us so we can learn alongside them.
Finally - I think you will have offended a LOT of people with your post. It is exactly these kinds of posts that freak people out and stop this being a nice, open forum where no subject is taboo. If you go around like a bull in a china shop dispensing your opinion on people and what you consider to be helpful and unhelpful subjects then people will just clam up and say nothing and minimins would stop being the fantastic resource that it is today.
I realise that this may feel that I am jumping down your throat somewhat - just something I also feel strongly about and hope you can see how a poorly worded or aggressive post can really affect a fellow minimin'er afterall - we are all in the same boat.
Laura

chunkychicken said:

I agree RD. Sweetpea - If you don't like what someone has written in their online diary - then fine. Don't read it. But don't broadcast at full volume your take on their lives and motivations for all to read.

One of the diaries I was referring to (without saying whose it is) doesn't need me to give my take on their life and motivation - she actually goes on and on and on and on and on and on about how she loves all the attention she is getting from males.

Inspirational? - I would hope that most people on here have better things to aspire to.

Personally I think it is very brave of people to keep a diary and expose their innermost thoughts for others to read. I find all the diaries I subscribe to really inspirational as they portray the journey warts and all - some of the best insights into crooked thinking I have come across have been after a lapse and these good people feel able to share their struggles and insights with the rest of us so we can learn alongside them.

I too find some of these diaries inspirational too and especially Russian Doll's - I think she is doing magnificently considering the tragedies that have occurred in her life. I admire her attitude and her resolve immensely.

Finally - I think you will have offended a LOT of people with your post. It is exactly these kinds of posts that freak people out and stop this being a nice, open forum where no subject is taboo.

I haven't set out to offend and I hope that most will not see my post as offensive if they read it in context.

I'm not sure about no subject being taboo as you've obviously got quite heated about my post as my opinion differs to yours. Although there are some really informative threads on the site I don't think you can really refer to it as a nice open forum when someone can only express an opinion if it agrees with everyone else's.

If you go around like a bull in a china shop dispensing your opinion on people and what you consider to be helpful and unhelpful subjects

looks like exactly what you are doing - so are you saying you can but I can't?

then people will just clam up and say nothing and minimins would stop being the fantastic resource that it is today.

I realise that this may feel that I am jumping down your throat somewhat - just something I also feel strongly about and hope you can see how a poorly worded or aggressive post can really affect a fellow minimin'er afterall - we are all in the same boat.

The difference between us is quite evident - I think you are perfectly entitled to express your view and that is what I would regard as one of the points of having a forum. You clearly don't believe I am entitled to express mine unless it is the same as everyone else's.

Laura

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I don't think people on here are in the same boat - apart from wanting to lose weight. Clearly we all need varying degrees of support and it takes various forms. Personally I look on the site for information and will respond if someone asks a question that I can help them with the answer to. I looked at diaries out of curiosity and have looked at galleries to see how successful people have been.
Others obviously have different reasons for looking at particular threads.

I responded to this thread because the poster had a similar outlook to me on being irritated by people commenting on their weight loss. I then talked about something else which irritated me - I think I'm as entitled to anyone else to my point of view.

Russiandoll said:

Everyone's entitled to express their opinions I suppose - unfortunately, some opinions can evoke a great deal of insecurity amongst people who are vulnerable or fragile.

And that's my opinion.

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I have no probs whatsover RD with you expressing your opinion - like you say we are all entitled to express our own. It would be a terrible place if we never said anything that differed to others opinions - well for one thing we'd have no politicians

Certainly hope I haven't evoked any insecurity in you RD - if I have I sincerely apologise. I have read your diary and I think you are an inspiration - you are coping so wonderfully in spite of all that has happened in your life. Your attitude rocks!

No Sweetpea - you haven't evoked any insecurity in me. In my diary, I write what comes into my head at that moment ... whether it be mundane, sad, excited, happy: People can read it or not - as they wish. My diary is a kind of personal therapy for me to look back on and, hopefully learn from.

In my response to your post, I was just pointing out that some people are extremely fragile and might be deterred from committing their feelings to this forum if they (perhaps mistakenly) believe that others are thinking that they're whining or courting sympathy.

As I said though, that's just my own opinion.