BlackRose
Gold Member
I'm going to be 29 on the 24th. I do not want most of my 20s to have been wasted on me thinking about how fat and hideous I am.
I am emotionally stronger and more confident with other people than I've ever been in my life. I am more confident in my capabilites and for once I actually believe I am going somewhere.
I am beginning my Masters in September. As some of you may know I graduated last year -and my final year was a complete and utter nightmare. A whirlwind of panic and anxiety attacks, missed classes due to claustrophobia and an overwhelming need to hide myself away. Yes this was stress induced but I am absolutely certain -I know without any doubt, that my weight, my unhealthy lifestyle played a HUGE part in how I coped(or did not cope lol) during my degree. Ya see while I'm growing in confidence in my ability to succeed academically, and despite that I now actually like who I am. All that esteem is going to waste because I hate my body -I am so embarrassed and ashamed and HATE to be seen. I feel that when people look at me they see all my flaws, all my weaknesses because every excess inch of fat on my body gives it all away. There's nowhere to hide the uglies of myself when I'm fat.
So now that I've been accepted for the MA (WOOP WOOP!!) I feel I've been given a 2nd chance. A chance to actually have the energy and strength to give it everything. To really throw myself at my studies and bury myself in my books without all the cr4p that being fat has brought me and ruined my time at uni before. A chance to focus on something other than me and how I look because I am just so sick of it! I'm sick of being utterly consumed with my weight when's there's so much more to me, and there's so much good and good fortune in my life and so much more fun to be had!!
Anyways. Think I needed to put that down to make it real to myself, so apologies if you've nodded off at your computer.
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!!!
I am emotionally stronger and more confident with other people than I've ever been in my life. I am more confident in my capabilites and for once I actually believe I am going somewhere.
I am beginning my Masters in September. As some of you may know I graduated last year -and my final year was a complete and utter nightmare. A whirlwind of panic and anxiety attacks, missed classes due to claustrophobia and an overwhelming need to hide myself away. Yes this was stress induced but I am absolutely certain -I know without any doubt, that my weight, my unhealthy lifestyle played a HUGE part in how I coped(or did not cope lol) during my degree. Ya see while I'm growing in confidence in my ability to succeed academically, and despite that I now actually like who I am. All that esteem is going to waste because I hate my body -I am so embarrassed and ashamed and HATE to be seen. I feel that when people look at me they see all my flaws, all my weaknesses because every excess inch of fat on my body gives it all away. There's nowhere to hide the uglies of myself when I'm fat.
So now that I've been accepted for the MA (WOOP WOOP!!) I feel I've been given a 2nd chance. A chance to actually have the energy and strength to give it everything. To really throw myself at my studies and bury myself in my books without all the cr4p that being fat has brought me and ruined my time at uni before. A chance to focus on something other than me and how I look because I am just so sick of it! I'm sick of being utterly consumed with my weight when's there's so much more to me, and there's so much good and good fortune in my life and so much more fun to be had!!
Anyways. Think I needed to put that down to make it real to myself, so apologies if you've nodded off at your computer.
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!!!