Feel like a failure

:sigh:

I am trying desperatly to get back on track but failing miserably.

Last year (between April and July) I went from just under 13 stones to just under 10 stones - I looked and felt great and bought lots of lovely clothes and felt like me for the first time in years. My BMI was right for my height and I felt like I'd 'arrived'. I felt more confident in bed and everyone told me how good I looked - and I knew that I looked good.

However for the past 4/5 months I have lost the plot and the weight is almost all back on again. I caught sight of my reflection in the glass doors as I left work one evening last week and my heart sank - I looked just like I did in that side shot that was taken before I started SS last year!

I don't know why I did it my myself. I can honestly say that I don't even like food that much - I don't bother to cook nice food or go to nice restaurants but I will stuff sandwiches, biscuits and chocolate. For some reason or other biscuits have become a particular problem - they are in abundance in the office where I work and while I can stay away from them for most of the day, once it gets to about 4pm I am like a great vulture!! And once I have eaten one I can't stop ........ I'm sure that this is how an alcoholic of drug addict must feel.

I have spent hours trying to work out what it is that I am doing and why but I can't. I have read books on obsessive eating, wrote myself notes, wrote in a diary, had long baths, promised myself treats, died my eye lashes, hung my nice size 10 trousers on the front of the wardrobe door so as to remind me of what I used to wear only a few months ago and what I must aspire to but none of it works. I've even allowed myself to stand naked in front of the bedroom mirror and look at what I have allowed to happen - and while what I see fills me with despair I keep on eating.

I started SS again today but already I can feel my resolve beginning to wain. I'm thinking that I might make a nice toasted cheese sandwich (there I go again, sandwiches) and a cup of tea.

I so want to enjoy the summer like I did last year - I looked great, even in my cozzie (not perfect - I am over 40 but I looked good).

Is there anyone out there or anything anywhere that can make we stop eating myself into oblivion?!!

I've given up trying to understand why - now I just need to know how. Every morning the body I wash in the shower is bigger than the day before but I feel helpless to stop it.

Sorry to be so miserable .......... but I just hoped that someone out there might have been where I am now and found a way to break free.

Hi Nancy,

So sorry you're feeling down - I'm not sure I can really help, but I do share some of your feelings. I lost 3 stone last year, and have put half back on, so re-started today. I can't believe how easy it was to go back to my old eating habits, I really felt that if I could do CD for 4 months, then surely I could say no to bad foods - but no. Gradually I started saying yes to them, then the weight started pilling back on, so I have re-started again today.

So. You have restarted today. So that makes you NOT a failure. That you're tempted already again, doesn't NOT make you a failure - we both know that these first few days are going to be hard, but that it does get easier. I just keep remember how my jeans used to feel loose, and how good I felt, and that helps. Just remember that after 3-4 days it'll be soo much easier. And what's 3-4 days in a lifetime? nothing.

None of that probably helps you, but just wanted to send you big hugs and say that I was thinking of you, and if you do give in to that sandwich, don't beat yourself up about it, we're only human

Big hugs
Sharon
xxx

Hi Nancy
I have re started again friday , I just knew i felt different Friday , but you know i went to Tesco today really thought ho look at that ,lovely food, i could just eat that , but it passes . Its not forever this diet . Water really helps , stops you feeling hungry , not the same effect as food but it does the Job . Just do some rethinking about the diet , as only you can do this , with some help here too ! How are you feeling now ?