la_tinkerbelle
Full Member
Hi all <<waves>>
I'm on day 3 of LL and Mini (many thanks!!) kindly gave me the link for this diary thread, so here I am, about to bore everyone with waffle but also hopefully provide an online space where I can monitor my weight loss journey..
Ok, so bit about me to start: 28, F, work full time, no kids or OH, just me and my dog Archie...
Start Weight: 15st 10lb
Why Diet, Why Now? : I have always been overweight, other than a dark period in my early 20s when I split up with my boyf. and went through a very dark phase during which I didn't eat much or look after myself, I have always been a dress size 18 or larger - I am currently a 22. All my siblings are slim - my sister is a size 8, my brothers are tall and lean, I am fed up of being the odd one out. I am fed up of being the butt of fat jokes, I am fed up of not being able to join in with the women in the office talking about sexy undies and fake tans and manicures - I feel cos I'm so fat why bother dressing it up? and I'm fed up of feeling like a frump no matter what I wear - even when I make an effort and get dressed up - some slim person in tracky bottoms and a tshirt makes me feel like a hippo...
I also have a brain illness - for the past seven years I've had various medications, steroids (what a way to pile on weight!), ops and procedures... a few weeks ago my neurosurgeon decided I need brain surgery - due to be done around Christmas time... losing weight won't cure my illness (I lost 3 stone in 3 months on R Conley's but the pressure in my head was the worst it's ever been then... typical!) but I feel now is the time to do this, as going into surgery weighing so much increases the percentages of things going wrong - and these aren't great in my case to begin with!
I also love clothes - I am quite good at co-ordinating things - people always ask me to put them an outfit together or pick out the things they shouldn't wear or what to put with what... but again b'se of my weight I feel I can't express this on the greatest canvas there is - my own body! I want to be able to wear stylish clothes, boots, shoes, to carry them well and show off that I can accessorise, that every day I will look smart at work and never uncomfortable, in meetings I want to be able to focus on the tasks at hand rather than whether people are judging me cos I'm wearing trousers that are too big just so I can pretend they're 'baggy', or because I'm wearing black all summer just because I think it looks slimming!
I don't know if others read this, apologies if you do, but for me this is going to be my starting point, something to refer back to all along this journey...
My determination to do this is 110% and I will get there...
Note to self: (to keep looking back at!): You are an amazing person, you know that, but won't show others because you feel anytime anyone looks at you, all they see is the weight... You feel like no-one could truly love you looking the way you do - why should some slim good looking man want a round flab ball like you - get over it, change the way you feel about you and eventually you will forget about what other people see, feel, think and get your own feelings in place... Remember, when you're slim (and you will be!!) you want to allow that happy smiley sunshiny personality to shine through all the time, you shouldn't ever want to hide her away - you want more than anything to be loved by someone special again but you know deep down that this will never happen whilst you're overweight because you will always feel like they're going to leave you for someone slimmer...
So, Deep Breaths, take it a day at a time, recognise the lows and enjoy the highs... that slimmer you is waiting at the top of the hill - get yer climbing boots on woman!!!!!! xx
I'm on day 3 of LL and Mini (many thanks!!) kindly gave me the link for this diary thread, so here I am, about to bore everyone with waffle but also hopefully provide an online space where I can monitor my weight loss journey..
Ok, so bit about me to start: 28, F, work full time, no kids or OH, just me and my dog Archie...
Start Weight: 15st 10lb
Why Diet, Why Now? : I have always been overweight, other than a dark period in my early 20s when I split up with my boyf. and went through a very dark phase during which I didn't eat much or look after myself, I have always been a dress size 18 or larger - I am currently a 22. All my siblings are slim - my sister is a size 8, my brothers are tall and lean, I am fed up of being the odd one out. I am fed up of being the butt of fat jokes, I am fed up of not being able to join in with the women in the office talking about sexy undies and fake tans and manicures - I feel cos I'm so fat why bother dressing it up? and I'm fed up of feeling like a frump no matter what I wear - even when I make an effort and get dressed up - some slim person in tracky bottoms and a tshirt makes me feel like a hippo...
I also have a brain illness - for the past seven years I've had various medications, steroids (what a way to pile on weight!), ops and procedures... a few weeks ago my neurosurgeon decided I need brain surgery - due to be done around Christmas time... losing weight won't cure my illness (I lost 3 stone in 3 months on R Conley's but the pressure in my head was the worst it's ever been then... typical!) but I feel now is the time to do this, as going into surgery weighing so much increases the percentages of things going wrong - and these aren't great in my case to begin with!
I also love clothes - I am quite good at co-ordinating things - people always ask me to put them an outfit together or pick out the things they shouldn't wear or what to put with what... but again b'se of my weight I feel I can't express this on the greatest canvas there is - my own body! I want to be able to wear stylish clothes, boots, shoes, to carry them well and show off that I can accessorise, that every day I will look smart at work and never uncomfortable, in meetings I want to be able to focus on the tasks at hand rather than whether people are judging me cos I'm wearing trousers that are too big just so I can pretend they're 'baggy', or because I'm wearing black all summer just because I think it looks slimming!
I don't know if others read this, apologies if you do, but for me this is going to be my starting point, something to refer back to all along this journey...
My determination to do this is 110% and I will get there...
Note to self: (to keep looking back at!): You are an amazing person, you know that, but won't show others because you feel anytime anyone looks at you, all they see is the weight... You feel like no-one could truly love you looking the way you do - why should some slim good looking man want a round flab ball like you - get over it, change the way you feel about you and eventually you will forget about what other people see, feel, think and get your own feelings in place... Remember, when you're slim (and you will be!!) you want to allow that happy smiley sunshiny personality to shine through all the time, you shouldn't ever want to hide her away - you want more than anything to be loved by someone special again but you know deep down that this will never happen whilst you're overweight because you will always feel like they're going to leave you for someone slimmer...
So, Deep Breaths, take it a day at a time, recognise the lows and enjoy the highs... that slimmer you is waiting at the top of the hill - get yer climbing boots on woman!!!!!! xx
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