Rayven
Addicted to Minimins!
Being overweight isn't easy, especially if you're a compulsive eater (as i am). You're forever putting things off because of your weight and in turn that makes you feel even worse about yourself because it seems that everyone else has a life except for you. I've put off having a life for seemingly the last ten years because I can't face life as a fat person. I've wanted to join a gym but can't face being the big fat red one puffing away on a treadmill, sweat dripping down my face, fat jiggling up and down like some oversized lava lamp! Ive wanted to go swimming again, but i so don't want to be the oversized whale struggling to keep its head above water! I've been talking to some old friends from school (via facebook) and keep putting off meeting up as i'm ashamed of how much weight i've put on!
You'd think that having been living a life that makes me miserable, changing my life - by going on Cambidge - would be a welcome and easy choice to make. However the last time i went on it i was constantly talking myself out of the diet, making excuses - its not good for my health, my hair's going to fall out, nearly everyone puts the weight back on, i'm not that big anyway, i can stick to a different diet that allows food, but its so and so's birthday next weeked..............on and on, the list is endless, and then theres the all time fav - its just too hard.
This time is no different - I've sat here today and i'm doing really well, have my first meet with my CDC this evening, have had one shake (saving the other two for later) and have polished off about 3L of water but already i'm trying to convince myself that i don't really want or need to be on it! The girls are off to their Dad for the night, so me and the OH have the night off, this would usually mean a meal out and a good few bottles of wine.............I'm torturing myself with thoughts of steak and a night on the tiles! Thoughts of being skinny don't seem quite as important as eating right now!
How much longer am i going to torture myself?? How many more years do i 'exist' as opposed to living a full and happy life? Why do i continue doing things that will make me miserable in the end?
You'd think that having been living a life that makes me miserable, changing my life - by going on Cambidge - would be a welcome and easy choice to make. However the last time i went on it i was constantly talking myself out of the diet, making excuses - its not good for my health, my hair's going to fall out, nearly everyone puts the weight back on, i'm not that big anyway, i can stick to a different diet that allows food, but its so and so's birthday next weeked..............on and on, the list is endless, and then theres the all time fav - its just too hard.
This time is no different - I've sat here today and i'm doing really well, have my first meet with my CDC this evening, have had one shake (saving the other two for later) and have polished off about 3L of water but already i'm trying to convince myself that i don't really want or need to be on it! The girls are off to their Dad for the night, so me and the OH have the night off, this would usually mean a meal out and a good few bottles of wine.............I'm torturing myself with thoughts of steak and a night on the tiles! Thoughts of being skinny don't seem quite as important as eating right now!
How much longer am i going to torture myself?? How many more years do i 'exist' as opposed to living a full and happy life? Why do i continue doing things that will make me miserable in the end?