Finally set a wedding date but need some advice...

Not been on in a while (again) but after setting a date after over a year being engaged I'm determined to stay at target and even thinking of lowering my target weight to lose another 1/2 stone. For those wondering why I've chosen a date so far away it's because the venue we wanted is currently closed for a refurb and renovations and opens at the end of next year. It does mean we have plenty of time to plan and save though!

I was thinking of guests concerning my side of the family and came across a bit of a dilemma - one of my cousins. Basically he's an idiot, expelled from schools and in trouble with the police from being a kid and in more recent years he's been in prison for driving and theft related crimes. I invited him to my engagement party last year and he very nearly caused trouble - he got really drunk and it was obvious he'd been taking something else too. He was trying to start a fight with his brother and my dad and uncle had to stay with him all night to keep the peace. He was an embarrassment and put a bit of a downer on the night. His brother might I add is the complete opposite, and as a kid/teen he was tarred with the same brush and had to really prove to people he wanted to make something of his life.

I'm worried how my aunt and uncle will take it, when I only have 2 cousins and intending to invite one to my wedding. I asked my family and immediately my dad said I can't invite him because of his appalling behaviour at the engagement and the risk of ruining the wedding. My mum thought the same but she was also unsure how my aunt and uncle will take it. Part of me thinks they will be OK as they've had to put up with a lot of s**t from him, he's stole and taken advantage of them and he only goes to see them when he wants money. The other (albeit smaller) part of me thinks they'll be upset when my family is quite small and I'm snubbing one of my family members who happens to be their son, especially when I'm inviting the other. Also, I'm worried that if I do decide to not invite him, he might find out and turn up anyway!

Sorry this is long, I would really appreciate any words of wisdom.

At the end of the day, this is your wedding. Its up to you and your fiance who attends, not your dad, or anyone else. That said, you dont really want him there either by the sounds of things. If having him present is going to spoil the day for you, then dont invite him.

How I would approach it is to talk to your uncle first - and say that while in an ideal world you would want your whole family there, he knows how disruptive that his son was at the engagement party, and that you are worried for a repeat performance at the wedding, and ask him what he thinks.

It may be that your aunt and uncle would be grateful for a night where they dont have to worry about what he might do and be happy to have the issue taken out of their hands. After all if they can say to him "Im sorry love, its not down to us" and blame you for the lack of invite, they wont have to worry about being embarrassed in front of your other family and friends. but wont take any grief from him over it.

IMO, worrying about is time consuming and unnecessary. Talk to them about it and tell them how you feel. They may well surprise you.

I agree with MLM, its your day, you invite who you want there not who you feel you should to make other people happy, you don't want to worry the whole time if someone is going to kick off.

When I got married earlier this year my mam wasn't invited, didn't even tell her when it was cos she's an alcoholic and I didn't want her to spoil our day.

as MLM says, speak to your aunt and uncle you may be surprised at how they take it, at the end of the day whats the worst that can happen ......

good luck xx

I completely agree with the other posters. It's your wedding and you should be able to invite who you want. Speak to your uncle about your feelings regarding inviting his son to the wedding - like the other poster said, they may be pleased to know that he's not going to be there showing himself and him up!
We are getting married next year and have already had distant family asking if they can come, even though we have made it clear that we are only inviting 30 close family and friends. I'm quickly learning that you can't please everyone - ultimately it's your wedding and you have to do what makes you happy and not others. Good luck and be strong about what you want x

we had a wedding party of just 25 close friends with a couple of family members at our wedding this year and it was amazing to have jsut people we cared about there, highly recommended xx

It sounds lovely Kerry! I have always wanted small and personal with people there that mean something, rather than inviting lots of people just for the sake of it! x

Definitely speak to your aunt and uncle. Be prepared for them to not like it though. My brother refused to invite someone to his wedding and as a result the rest of the family boycotted it. It caused a lot of problems which got sorted but ultimately my brother stood by his decision. He quite rightly said it was his day and he wasn't going to invite someone he didn't want to be there

Starlight said:

Definitely speak to your aunt and uncle. Be prepared for them to not like it though. My brother refused to invite someone to his wedding and as a result the rest of the family boycotted it. It caused a lot of problems which got sorted but ultimately my brother stood by his decision. He quite rightly said it was his day and he wasn't going to invite someone he didn't want to be there

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Blimey! The whole family? Thats mental. One of my OH's sisters boycotted ours cos it was on the same night as her teenage daughters birthday party - in fact she seemed to think we should change the date if ours so everyone could go to her party. Needless to say i threw the bridezilla card & refused point blank. Hubby was just as annoyed as me thankfully (usually he is switzerland in such matters). She got over it, all is good now.

OP- put your foot down. If you don't want him there, don't have him there. Your family might surprise you in there reactions & completely undestand. If not, they have ages to get over it & realise that you & your hubby to be are the MOST & ONLY important people on that day.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I know ultimately it is my decision when it comes to inviting family from my side and people have to accept that. Deep down I think my aunt and uncle will understand my reasons. He very nearly caused drink fuelled chaos last time and I can't risk that on mine and my OH's day.

Lots can change between now and the time you send invites out, so I'd hang fire with telling people they aren't invited. It may cause drama straight away - when you could put it off until nearer the time.

But, echoing what others have said - it's up to you who you invite and I'd be inclined not to invite someone who made a d!ck of themselves at the engagement.