Allan G
Gold Member
In the year 2007, the lord comes unto Noah, living in the north of England, and commands, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over populated. I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another ARK and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans. You have six months to build the ARK before i start the torrential rain for 40 days and 40 nights".
Six months later, the lord looks down and sees Noah weeping - but no Ark.
"NOAH!" he roars, I`m about to start the rain! Where`s the ARK?
"Forgive me, lord," begs Noah "But things have changed. i needed Building Regulations approval and i have been arguing with the fire brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.
" Gettting the wood was another problem. All the trees have preservation orders on them and we live in a site of special scientific interest, which was set up to protect the spotted owl.
"When i started gathering the animals together, the RSPCA sued me. They said i was confining wild animals against their will.
Then the county council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that i couldn`t build the Ark until they`d conducted an environmental impact study on your flood.
" The trade unions say i cant employ my sons - they insist i have to hire only accredited workers with Ark building experience. And to make matters worse, Customs and Excise have seized all my assets, claiming i`m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So forgive me, lord, but it would take at least 10 years to finish this Ark".
Suddenly, the skies clear, the sun begins to shine and a vast rainbow stretches across the sky. Noah looks up in wonder and asks God, " You mean you`re not going to destroy the world?"
"NO" booms the lord. It seems the Government have already beaten me to it".
Six months later, the lord looks down and sees Noah weeping - but no Ark.
"NOAH!" he roars, I`m about to start the rain! Where`s the ARK?
"Forgive me, lord," begs Noah "But things have changed. i needed Building Regulations approval and i have been arguing with the fire brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.
" Gettting the wood was another problem. All the trees have preservation orders on them and we live in a site of special scientific interest, which was set up to protect the spotted owl.
"When i started gathering the animals together, the RSPCA sued me. They said i was confining wild animals against their will.
Then the county council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that i couldn`t build the Ark until they`d conducted an environmental impact study on your flood.
" The trade unions say i cant employ my sons - they insist i have to hire only accredited workers with Ark building experience. And to make matters worse, Customs and Excise have seized all my assets, claiming i`m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So forgive me, lord, but it would take at least 10 years to finish this Ark".
Suddenly, the skies clear, the sun begins to shine and a vast rainbow stretches across the sky. Noah looks up in wonder and asks God, " You mean you`re not going to destroy the world?"
"NO" booms the lord. It seems the Government have already beaten me to it".
