chunkyflossy
Full Member
I feel at my absolute lowest.
For as long as I remember I have been obese. And now at almost 26 stone, I feel like I am trapped and there is no emergency exit.
I’m a bubbly girl, I’m the class clown, and I’m the girl who mentions her weight before others so that I can build my barriers. Sometimes they will express sympathy; sometimes they will laugh with me, hurting me with every chuckle. “You’ve got such a pretty face” they’ll say, “but you are so fat” they are thinking.
Steadily over the years I have withdrawn into my protective bubble wrap. I’ve been body conscious for as long as I can remember, but now any shred of self confidence I used to have has dissolved. I will avoid social occasions- I’ll make excuses “I don’t feel well” or “I’m short of money”. When really, I’m desperate to go out, to have fun, to be free, but the grip of obesity gets the better of me. I won’t walk anywhere. People mistake this for be being lazy, when in actual fact I can’t bear to be on show in public, to have the fear of people judging me and looking at me in disgust.
I first met my boyfriend six years ago. He made me feel special. Instead of being put off by my weight he was attracted to it. He gradually made me feel sexy, I felt confident with him and let go of my inabitions.He changed my belief of ‘if you can’t love yourself, no one else will love you’. Because he loved me, I started to love myself. But as the years have gone on, the compliments have stopped and my self esteem has plummeted. I won’t do certain things as a couple because of my size. I feel this hampers our spark and has made him less enthused. I feel like I’m holding him back.
I never have any energy. I’m always tired and wake up feeling like I’m constantly hung-over (even though I’ve not been drinking. I have constant pains in my chest and all over my body, but I haven’t been to the doctors in years. I’m so ashamed of what I have become.
I’ve tried numerous diets over the years and failed at all of them. My intentions are always good, but I never succeed. I kid myself every time that it will work and I will be free but the results are always the same.
I feel like I have nowhere to turn. People say they understand, but they don’t. Unless you are obese you never will.
I need to feel that it doesn’t have to be like this. That things can change, but I really don’t see how.
For as long as I remember I have been obese. And now at almost 26 stone, I feel like I am trapped and there is no emergency exit.
I’m a bubbly girl, I’m the class clown, and I’m the girl who mentions her weight before others so that I can build my barriers. Sometimes they will express sympathy; sometimes they will laugh with me, hurting me with every chuckle. “You’ve got such a pretty face” they’ll say, “but you are so fat” they are thinking.
Steadily over the years I have withdrawn into my protective bubble wrap. I’ve been body conscious for as long as I can remember, but now any shred of self confidence I used to have has dissolved. I will avoid social occasions- I’ll make excuses “I don’t feel well” or “I’m short of money”. When really, I’m desperate to go out, to have fun, to be free, but the grip of obesity gets the better of me. I won’t walk anywhere. People mistake this for be being lazy, when in actual fact I can’t bear to be on show in public, to have the fear of people judging me and looking at me in disgust.
I first met my boyfriend six years ago. He made me feel special. Instead of being put off by my weight he was attracted to it. He gradually made me feel sexy, I felt confident with him and let go of my inabitions.He changed my belief of ‘if you can’t love yourself, no one else will love you’. Because he loved me, I started to love myself. But as the years have gone on, the compliments have stopped and my self esteem has plummeted. I won’t do certain things as a couple because of my size. I feel this hampers our spark and has made him less enthused. I feel like I’m holding him back.
I never have any energy. I’m always tired and wake up feeling like I’m constantly hung-over (even though I’ve not been drinking. I have constant pains in my chest and all over my body, but I haven’t been to the doctors in years. I’m so ashamed of what I have become.
I’ve tried numerous diets over the years and failed at all of them. My intentions are always good, but I never succeed. I kid myself every time that it will work and I will be free but the results are always the same.
I feel like I have nowhere to turn. People say they understand, but they don’t. Unless you are obese you never will.
I need to feel that it doesn’t have to be like this. That things can change, but I really don’t see how.