I cant cope!!

R

RED

Full Member
Well u all know my story so far...for those of u that dont...I am a serial restarter...and have lost a big amount and am havin what seems like a loosing battle with my last few stones!!:cry::cry:
As I recently told u I have been told I need to loose at leat 3st before I can be referred for IVF - Now theres motivation!!
Well at least I thought it was but for the last few days I feel like I have the world on my shoulders!!
I feel that if I dont get back on track it would be my fault if we dont get referred for the IVF....and It would be me ruining my husband's and my dreams of starting a family!!!
And what do u think those negative thoughts are doing....causing me to go into sabotage mode!! I have spoken to my Husband and he is being very supportive, but I feel like I am going backwards again...the weight is creeping up...I just feel lost!!
Oh and if thats not enough we're off to Tobago in 5weeks...I'm 2st heavier and I can hear all the comments from the in laws and others out there already-thats all I need right now...More pressure!!!
My confidence right now is in the toilet!!! Any advice appreciated!! Thanx for readin and sorry for fo being such a downer!!:break_diet:
 
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Awww bless ya hun, i can only guess what you're going through IVF is a big step. I think you need to try & relax, take some time out for yourself & not worry about dieting, i know it's important for you but so is you mental health!. Maybe you're trying too hard? Got myself so down that i couldn't drop my final 9lbs it was driving me mad, i decided just to maintain my weight & not try losing anymore. Ok i have stayed the same but my mind is more relaxed & bugger me i have dropped more inches....

Please, please take abit bit of time out for yourself & relax i'm sure it'll make all the difference you have a wonderful hubby who is supporting you!!!!

Hugs & cuddles to you hun....xxx
 
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Hi Red

I can not imagine what you must be going through but perhaps its about time you thought about yourself and not others.
I am sure your husband means what he says and he wouldnt say it if he didnt mean it. I am also sure that he loves you weather you can give him a child or not. I know it might be hard for you, but if you could only forget about the IVF just now and concentrate on yourself.
Take each day as it comes and each pound off as it comes.
I am amazed that because of all the water I have been drinking that I dont feel the need to be naughty. I know I am still new to this, but I feel very determined for the first time every to get to my goal weight.
I have also found that not having a shake in the morning helps me too, it doesnt start my metabolism as it would if I had a breakfast as it were.
Chin up and start again and think of you in all this. Your worth it!
Good Luck

Choc xx
 
aw Red... I feel for you, I really do.

If you really put your mind to it, you know that you could have most of the 2 stones off before you go on your hols. We are all here to support you but you are the one who has to put the hard work in hun.

Im glad you have a supportive hubby, and if he's anything like mine, He'll love you regardless of your weight, but for me, if getting three stones off meant i had the chance for IVF I'd be going for it big time.

I hope that doesnt sound harsh Red, as i know this isnt easy. We are all going through the same struggles with our weight, but you have better reason than most of us for wanting to get the weight off. I really hope you find the strength to do it.
 
With 5 weeks to go you have loads of time to shift most of that 2 extra stones!!

But I am wondering if you might be a little depressed. You are sounding very negative and critical of yourself and that often indicates depression.

Have you spoken to you GP? If not, it might be worth considering.

Regarding motivation - that's a funny old word and more often than not I don't think it's the simplistic solve-all some people might like us to think. I'm sitting here with less than a stone between me and this years gorgeous Autumn forties style clothes and can I do it? - No!

I have tried 'motivating' myself with the following:

1. End of September - first full weekend away, alone with husband for 11 years (honestly!!). - doesn't work.

2. Wedding Anniversary in November - doesn't work.

3. Keeping 'fat picture' in wallet for easy reference - doesn't work.

I am currently working on Motivation No 4 for which I am holding out much hope and that is:

I have to have a meeting with someone I seriously dislike within the next week or so and I DO NOT want to give her the pleasure of looking at me and thinking (or knowing how thick she is, saying!) that I have put on weight!! (She gave me hell when I lost my weight and would go out of her way to probe and pry as to how I was managing to do it).

Now this is most likely to work - but then maybe not!!

My point is - motivation is not all it is cracked up to be. I think we need more than just motivation to succeed. We need motivation plus the following:-

a. Right time
b. Right place
b. Head in the right place
c. Right home and work life
d. Right mental state
e. Right physical state

Also findiing a way of understanding why we sabotage ourselves can help - I say help and not solve. I know why I do it but it doesn't stop me doing it because factors a - e are currently out of sync.

So come on Red, give yourself some 'self love'. Look at your lovely face and hair and your lovely man and the fact that you are healthy and have already lost loads of weigh and have a holiday to look forward to and one day maybe even a baby and give youself a break.
And think about seeing your GP.

Love and kisses to you.
 
Thanx for the replies...gosh u lot r good...Im sure an hour hasnt even passed!!
I just got an email from my CDC and I've decided to start on 790 for about 4days and then into SS...while Im away I will use 790 as a safety net... and hopefully by the time I get back I should be in the right frame to SS comfortably.
 
fatpossum said:
With 5 weeks to go you have loads of time to shift most of that 2 extra stones!!

But I am wondering if you might be a little depressed. You are sounding very negative and critical of yourself and that often indicates depression.

Have you spoken to you GP? If not, it might be worth considering.

Regarding motivation - that's a funny old word and more often than not I don't think it's the simplistic solve-all some people might like us to think. I'm sitting here with less than a stone between me and this years gorgeous Autumn forties style clothes and can I do it? - No!

I have tried 'motivating' myself with the following:

1. End of September - first full weekend away, alone with husband for 11 years (honestly!!). - doesn't work.

2. Wedding Anniversary in November - doesn't work.

3. Keeping 'fat picture' in wallet for easy reference - doesn't work.

I am currently working on Motivation No 4 for which I am holding out much hope and that is:

I have to have a meeting with someone I seriously dislike within the next week or so and I DO NOT want to give her the pleasure of looking at me and thinking (or knowing how thick she is, saying!) that I have put on weight!! (She gave me hell when I lost my weight and would go out of her way to probe and pry as to how I was managing to do it).

Now this is most likely to work - but then maybe not!!

My point is - motivation is not all it is cracked up to be. I think we need more than just motivation to succeed. We need motivation plus the following:-

a. Right time
b. Right place
b. Head in the right place
c. Right home and work life
d. Right mental state
e. Right physical state

Also findiing a way of understanding why we sabotage ourselves can help - I say help and not solve. I know why I do it but it doesn't stop me doing it because factors a - e are currently out of sync.

So come on Red, give yourself some 'self love'. Look at your lovely face and hair and your lovely man and the fact that you are healthy and have already lost loads of weigh and have a holiday to look forward to and one day maybe even a baby and give youself a break.
And think about seeing your GP.

Love and kisses to you.
Click to expand...

U'r almost right...its TOTM for me coming up...I always get really low around this time..I hate it, sometimes it feels like the end of the world...I do need to see my GP regarding this...i keep meaning to but once the first few days pass I'm back to normal and forget about it till the next month!!...Thanks for ur words and advice...much appreciated!!
 
Hi Red,
Sending you a big hug:flowers:don't think about too much. 5 weeks is a long way - go on 790 and then ease to SS, you'll probably find your weight loss on 790 is great and have to SS at all. Have a good weekend.
 
Red

I used to suffer badly when it was my totm and then a friend suggested aroma therapy. I dont usually take much notice of things like that, but she gave me a free bottle that she had made up and I used in my baths and in oil lanterns.
Well to my husbands surprise it seemed to be working and so I kept at it.
I am very pleased to say that now that my totm comes and goes without any fuss.
I am not saying it works for everyone but it did for me.
 
Hi Red

I remember you posting a while ago about your struggle but I couldn't offer you much more than empathy at the time because I was in the same place as you.

However I decided to just take a complete break in June and it was the impetus I needed to get my head back in the right frame of mind. I started again in mid August and I am really just finding my mojo again.

Just having that break was all that it took for me, and I'm on a roll now!

Sending you lots of hugs because I know exactly how hard it is to get back on it once the cheating starts.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Hi Red,

I know exactly what you mean honey. I have had 2 tries at IVF (private as NHS wouldn't touch me with a barge pole!!) I was then told to lose 5 stone before trying again. There is no reason they can see that the first 2 failed except for my weight. At first I was furious, thought it was Dr talk for get out your fat a** and do something about your weight. Am glad though as I found out about LL and then changed to CD and am now coming up for 4 stone lighter. I am desperate to get to the BMI they want me to be but have had periods of sabotaging the diet. I decided to make the appointment to go back to the consultant ( which I have to pay for!!) to give me a goal to aim for. It hasn't been quite that straight forward but am hoping that I will only be a few lbs off what he wants me to be by the time the appt arrives. Maybe you can ask them to refer you for the IVF so that you have a goal date in mind? I know my PCT would put me on the list ( it was a 2year wait) with the understanding that I wouldn't be treated if my weight hadn't dropped). Good luck honey, and have a fab trip to Tobago - I'm so jealous!! If the consultant doesn't let me go for IVF this side of Xmas then we may book to go to Tobago in November!! :D
 
Oh red, when I read this I really feel for you.

One thing that really jumped out from your posting is that you could do with thinking about things in a different way , as some of the thoughts are a bit negative.

Well u all know my story so far...for those of u that dont...I am a serial restarter...and have lost a big amount and am havin what seems like a loosing battle with my last few stones!!:cry::cry:
Click to expand...
or a positive way of thinking about it is that you havent given up, you are still trying you are still fighting and that is much harder to do when you have fallen down. It sounds like you are trying much harder than me, for example, who hasnt actually found CD that hard at all. But despite dips, you are still trying - dont give up giving up! THATS YOUR STRENGTH :)
As I recently told u I have been told I need to loose at leat 3st before I can be referred for IVF - Now theres motivation!!
Click to expand...
Well at least I thought it was but for the last few days I feel like I have the world on my shoulders!!
Click to expand...
it sounds like you might be putting a bit of undue pressure on yourself hun.If you try and relax a bit, dont think about what you dont/cant have and think about what you can! Its worked for me, and this is the only time ive dieted - but this time Ive had a real change of mind. Im not thinking "I cant have chips/choc etc woe is me" Im thinking, I have a choice of shakes and i like them all" "mmm Ive got a bar for afters later and I dont have to share any with partner or dog LOL" "im not suffering on my own i have minimins & CDC and partner to support me, so its easier this time" or whatever. Count some blessings, and if you focus on the positives ( i know it sounds glib) but time will tick by....
I feel that if I dont get back on track it would be my fault if we dont get referred for the IVF....and It would be me ruining my husband's and my dreams of starting a family!!!
Click to expand...
Dwelling and wallowing wont help hunny.I know its hard tho....

And what do u think those negative thoughts are doing....causing me to go into sabotage mode!! I have spoken to my Husband and he is being very supportive, but I feel like I am going backwards again...the weight is creeping up...I just feel lost!!
Click to expand...
I went into sabotage mode a bit last week. Sabotage is a really interesting phenomenon. Have you read much about it, and how it can be avoided? Do have a good read on the internet theres some great stuff on the net and tricks to reprogramme your mind to allow you to achieve without you standing in your own way....
Oh and if thats not enough we're off to Tobago in 5weeks...I'm 2st heavier and I can hear all the comments from the in laws and others out there already-thats all I need right now...More pressure!!!
Click to expand...

Hun, this is something that hasnt even happened yet, might not even happen!! you are expecting the worst, instead of hoping for the best!

Chin up & hugs
NSLL
 
Yes, the IVF incentive should be a good motivation for losing the weight. However, it is perfectly understandable that the pressure that puts on you is making it very hard for you to cope. As you say, it's making it feel as though the opportunity to have a baby is all on your shoulders.

I know this is easier said than done, but you should try to step back from the situation, and remind yourself of all the other reasons you want to lose weight. Try to put the IVF out of the equation for the time being, and do this diet because you want to lose weight for you. It's so much easier when we're doing this for ourselves, rather than for other people. Picture yourself slim, and remain positive about the effects on your body and self-esteem that losing weight would bring - imagining how positive and good about ourselves weight loss will make us feel, helps us to remain positive about getting there. :)

Doing 790 for the time being sounds like a great plan. Don't put any presure on yourself to move to ss until you're ready, as the losses on 790 aren't much different anyway - besides, any loss is a loss, and seeing the weight going down will help you to feel that you can do this. :)

Best of luck!


Jo x
 
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