Freshstartnewme!
Gold Member
I had a bit of a thought today... last night I had a chocolate incident. My rationale brain was telling me all the time of me thinking about doing it and whilst doing it that it was wrong, but it was almost like I wasn't in control of my body. It got me to thinking about why the need to eat the chocolate got the better of me even though I knew it was wrong and I came up with that if I am scared of being slim?
Let me explain.... I have never been slim as an adult, I have been at least a size 16 for as long as I can remember, at least from age 13/14. So I don't know what it is like to be slim, I don't know what it feels like, I don't know what kind of person I will be or how I will feel when I am slim.
I always get to this weight, around 15 stone, but then never any lower, it is like a comfort blanket of this is what I know, anything below this is unknown territory. So today I realised that maybe that uncontrolled eating- feel like I can't stop myself doing it- maybe it is a defence mechanism.
I know that that chocolate is going to make me feel better if only for a few moments, and because I KNOW that feeling, I can rely on it- that it what I chose over the willpower and possibility of being slim because I DON'T know how that feels?
Does this make any sense- it is hard to get what I mean into words? What if subconsciously I am sabotaging myself because I don't know what it will be like? Am I secretly scared of being slim?
I sometimes wonder if tomorrow someone made me slim for a day and then put me back to 15 stone- would I lose weight much quicker after because I knew how it felt?
Sorry for the waffle just wanted to see what people thought.
Thanks for reading
Claire xx
Let me explain.... I have never been slim as an adult, I have been at least a size 16 for as long as I can remember, at least from age 13/14. So I don't know what it is like to be slim, I don't know what it feels like, I don't know what kind of person I will be or how I will feel when I am slim.
I always get to this weight, around 15 stone, but then never any lower, it is like a comfort blanket of this is what I know, anything below this is unknown territory. So today I realised that maybe that uncontrolled eating- feel like I can't stop myself doing it- maybe it is a defence mechanism.
I know that that chocolate is going to make me feel better if only for a few moments, and because I KNOW that feeling, I can rely on it- that it what I chose over the willpower and possibility of being slim because I DON'T know how that feels?
Does this make any sense- it is hard to get what I mean into words? What if subconsciously I am sabotaging myself because I don't know what it will be like? Am I secretly scared of being slim?
I sometimes wonder if tomorrow someone made me slim for a day and then put me back to 15 stone- would I lose weight much quicker after because I knew how it felt?
Sorry for the waffle just wanted to see what people thought.
Thanks for reading
Claire xx