am i selfish

bexterj24

bexterj24

Full Member
oh rang me this am asking if i want to go out to sis in laws or his mums tonight for tea that means take away n lots of drink n i said i dnt mind doing wotever but i dnt wanna sit there while there stuffing there faces with food i would lov to be eating lol. he says what we ment to do for the next 3 mth or so not go anywhere or do anything n says im selfish.

has now made me in the worst grump ever. i feel guilty n selfish
 
Im in the same position ish....we've been invited to my OH's mums this sunday for a roast and i said i'll come but im not eating (they all know im doing this diet) and i got the "Hmmmmm ok but you dont have to eat alot, just a small place full" from the mother in law!!! grrrr im not going to eat to keep others happy and i dont care if they think im being rude, tough poo! Your not being selfish at all and if they dont understand then thats their problem!
 
Discussing the situation might help him to understand that this isn't forever. If he supports you through this, then it'll be a lot easier and most likely take less time for you to get to your goal. Him calling you selfish is rather contradictary under the circumstances. You are doing this for yourself, but surely he wants you to be happy?
 
I he really cares about you and wants you to succeed then he will be supportive. How would he feel if he were unable to eat and you insisted on dragging him out to places where he had to sit and watch everyone else digging in while his stomach growled in protest. Frankly I think he is being really insensitive. It's good that he wants to spend time with you, but there is more to life than food. He can take you to a movie (and skip the snacks), go working out with you, go to any number of places that don't involve food!! this is the problem with our society, everyone has to be eating all the time, 24/7. It's no wonder we are overweight.

Taking care of yourself is not the same as being selfish. Hugs to you.
 
thank you guys i knw when i have been on the plan for a few weeks i will be fine n i will be able to go wherever n watch them eat wotever n think ur geting fat while im not hahaha but im just comin to the end of my first wk totm is due so im slighty emotional as it is this first week has been hard i just wanted to stay home n get thru it .
he does support me i just dnt think he understands how hard it is .
 
bexterj24 said:
thank you guys i knw when i have been on the plan for a few weeks i will be fine n i will be able to go wherever n watch them eat wotever n think ur geting fat while im not hahaha but im just comin to the end of my first wk totm is due so im slighty emotional as it is this first week has been hard i just wanted to stay home n get thru it .
he does support me i just dnt think he understands how hard it is .
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I have noticed that people who don't have weight or food problems can be very clueless about the whole thing, and not understand why it's hard to lose weight or say no to food. I hope you start feeling better soon. ;)
 
Remember, you can tell your family that you still love them even though you're not eating with them x
 
How did it go last night? hope you managed to stay strong x
 
losingit said:
How did it go last night? hope you managed to stay strong x
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we didnt go in end as MIL wanted to go for meal so we stayed home n i did 100% day. me n oh had a lil chat bout things n think he gets it lol but ive told him im doing this for me it doesnt make me selfish i have to do this and hopefully itl wnt be long till im at goal. thank you for all your comments :)
 
Actually, my way of thinking is, yes, there is a selfish element to dieting. It seems that others are expected to sacrifice a lot because we cannot and will not eat food with them. Noone asked us to diet and, whilst they may support us, its actually our problem, not theirs. If my family choose to eat food and have treats, thats their right, whether we choose to join them or stay strong, thats our choice. If we make them feel bad and guilty for eating something they want and enjoy, then, yes, I think we are selfish.
 
TrueBlueAngel said:
Actually, my way of thinking is, yes, there is a selfish element to dieting. It seems that others are expected to sacrifice a lot because we cannot and will not eat food with them. Noone asked us to diet and, whilst they may support us, its actually our problem, not theirs. If my family choose to eat food and have treats, thats their right, whether we choose to join them or stay strong, thats our choice. If we make them feel bad and guilty for eating something they want and enjoy, then, yes, I think we are selfish.
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Hmmmm I disagree I feel that if we are doing something for our health and could potentially stop us from dying at an early age that people who love you should support that and help us
 
carly82 said:
Hmmmm I disagree I feel that if we are doing something for our health and could potentially stop us from dying at an early age that people who love you should support that and help us
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Agree :)
 
Six of one and half a dozen of the other :) I can only speak for me...who put me in this 'fat' position? ME! How selfish is that to risk myself that it would have others worry about me, then I expect them to comply with my diet and not eat what they like (some are luckier than others to eat what they want and not gain - don t u hate people like that ;)). Its my fault, I'm responsible for the food in my mouth and yet I expect an entire family, who fancy a rare treat, to not do it. No, sorry, if I ask that of them, Im being selfish. I might as well ask them never to eat anything in front of me:)
We'll agree to disagree ;)
 
TrueBlueAngel said:
Six of one and half a dozen of the other :) I can only speak for me...who put me in this 'fat' position? ME! How selfish is that to risk myself that it would have others worry about me, then I expect them to comply with my diet and not eat what they like (some are luckier than others to eat what they want and not gain - don t u hate people like that ;)). Its my fault, I'm responsible for the food in my mouth and yet I expect an entire family, who fancy a rare treat, to not do it. No, sorry, if I ask that of them, Im being selfish. I might as well ask them never to eat anything in front of me:)
We'll agree to disagree ;)
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Yes I think we will have to agree to disagree. As far as I see if it is just a 'rare' treat why does it have to be under your nose, it's not like the op is forcing her oh to do TS or anything lol
 
It really depends I am fine watching people eat now but the first few weeks I would go sit upstairs while oh ate etc it helped massively
Also I don't want to tell my in laws I am on a VLCD so avoid food based meetings with them
I agree with what someone said in an earlier post why does everything nowadays revolve around food, no wonder so many people have weight issues
And if you had a close family member who was an alcoholic you wouldn't drag them to the pub on their first week off the wagon it would be unbelievably cruel
 
I am a firm believer that we as individuals should be able to do what we want..Nothing in my world is a selfish act unless it causes pain or suffering to another individual. We all have choices and if we chosse not to eat "normal" foods that is hardly causing pain and suffering to anyone else in my eyes. Therefore far from selfish xxx
 
u know i only had an issue as it was my first week once im fully established and most importantly ready to sit with everyone eating takeouts i will gladly do so im not saying at all they cant eat or drink wot they wish they can. i think each to there own on this subject but i dnt think i was selfish to ask not to be in that environment at that particular time :)
 
bexterj24 said:
u know i only had an issue as it was my first week once im fully established and most importantly ready to sit with everyone eating takeouts i will gladly do so im not saying at all they cant eat or drink wot they wish they can. i think each to there own on this subject but i dnt think i was selfish to ask not to be in that environment at that particular time :)
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I agree
 
bexterj24 said:
u know i only had an issue as it was my first week once im fully established and most importantly ready to sit with everyone eating takeouts i will gladly do so im not saying at all they cant eat or drink wot they wish they can. i think each to there own on this subject but i dnt think i was selfish to ask not to be in that environment at that particular time :)
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Totally agree Bex as you didnt cause pain or suffering to anyone else with your desicion..Well done for staying 100% with the TS and like ya said it does get easier babe as the time goes on ...good luck xxx
 
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