I'm so lost and confused, don't know who I am anymore.

Hiya all,

I really didn't know where to post this, so just posted it here.

About a month ago I reached 11st 4lbs, my lowest weight ever, and I still felt inadequate, as if I didn't belong or was inferior to others. Since then, I've gained a stone (exams etc), and now i've lost all motivation.

Motivation towards weight loss and life in general. Firstly, each and every day that passes, I think, i'll do it tomorrow, and that tomorrow never comes, each day I feel bigger and bigger and more disgusting! There are also alot of other things playing in my mind, and I know for a fact they are all to do with my weight.

Now that I've finished Uni, I have been on the search for a job - I will get some interviews but put them off and not attend because "who'll hire a fat person?" Even preparing for an interview, i.e. buying smart clothes is an effort for me, in my mind I think "i'm still gonna look fat". On the rare occasion I do go for the interview (I really need the money right now) I will look down, or not look the person in the eye and am so shy, feeling inferior - hence not getting a job, and this cycle of rejection leaves me feeling useless.

Also, I have this fear that no one will ever want to be with me. I know it's really sad of me to think that, but the past relationships I have had, have all proved I am right, no one wants a fat girl, they're too ashamed..

I don't know what I want or need or am expecting from you guys. *sigh* will things ever get better. :break_diet:

O.K.lets take this one thing at a time..

Firstly. You have completed Uni and tackeled your weight loss sucsefully.

Interviews are nerve wracking no matter how old you are..Deep breaths and I'm afraid eye contact. Everyone ealse there for an interview is as nervouse as you..

Go for well fitting clothes and if nesassary(?) invest in some magic knicker..Gok say's thier O.K. so that's good enough for me.

As far as men go. They're a fickle bunch and you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince :-D

You have a lot of changes going on in your life at the moment by the sounds of things. Try to tackle one thing at a time..
Your young (lucky you) and the worlds you oyster. Stay posetive I'm sure it will all fall into place soon enough.

It's a big change to go from full time uni with funding to full time unemployment and no money of course it will hit you hard. Everyone leaves uni imagining a bright shiny future but sadly as us oldies will tell you that's not always the case!!!

You won't get back onto a healthy weight loss plan that works until you try! So get up this morning, throw all the junk out of the cupboards and just go for it!!! If you slip up then you slip up. You can always try again!! A stone is just 14 little LBS and even just a STS is better than a gain eh??

If your finding your self confidence is low and your struggling to find work right now then can I suggest volunteering for a few hours a week? There's literally hundreds of organisations that need helping hands and it's very very flexible so won't interfere with job hunting!! Plus you'll feel much better knowing that your skills are valuable and you are a capable woman!!! Try googling your local volunteers centre. Most towns have one. And it looks really good on the old CV LOL

Hope you feel a bit brighter soon

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Awwww thankyou so much ladies! *hugggless* I've never had a mother figure, someone to tell me all these changes are natural and things will fall into place soon (my mum's been mentally ill most of her life)... so guess I feel a little lost, but thank you

Are you nervous about your interviews because of your weight gain or are you gaining weight because you are nervous about your interviews? Maybe neither. Regardless, you have to realize that getting a job is not really a matter of your weight. I've seen people who are well over 300 pounds and chubby get jobs that pay very well. You have to have confidence in yourself regardless of your weight. Regardless of your perception of your outer person, Im sure your inner is smart and driven to be successful at any job that you wish to apply to. Just take life day by day and keep your work life and your weight loss completely separate. Handle each on their own time and you will be fine.

How are things with you now?? Hope they're looking up

LittleSis said:

How are things with you now?? Hope they're looking up

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Hi littlesis! Things are definetly starting to get better, got a part time job a few days ago and an interview on Friday Thanks for asking!

fatty2slim said:

Hi littlesis! Things are definetly starting to get better, got a part time job a few days ago and an interview on Friday Thanks for asking!

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Well done!! That's brilliant!

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Great naews Well done you.

Hi, just been looking through your post and wanted to tell you about me and my job.

Five years ago, I finished studying and started to work as a customer service rep. I was a size ten when I started. It was supposed to be a stop gap for a few months until I found a job doing something I really wanted. Sitting on my bottom all day answering calls from irate customers soon took its toll on my weight and the next thing I knew, I was a size 20!

After 3 years in that job, I realised my stop gap had turned into a comfort stay and I absolutely hated the job. I decided that I needed to get out of there and applied for a few jobs. I was so scared because I thought the same as you did - no one wants a fat girl.

I kept telling myself that I would never get anywhere unless I convinced people to look beyond my massive bum and my many chins.

I found my dream job within a few months and managed to get a £10,000 pay rise too! I still sit on my bum quite a lot in work though lol. I'm highly respected in my company and have gained a promotion. I'm a size 18 now.

Your size will make no difference to your performance in your job and any employer worth working for will know this. I promise.

The next time you are about to go in for an interview, read the job description and remind yourself that you can do each item on there. Remember you wouldn't have got that far without them being impressed by your skills and when you are going for a job, it is only your skills that matter. If that doesn't work, your local job centre or careers centre should be able to help you with interview techniques.

I wish you the best of luck in your job search!

Oh love ! i can totally identify.

I have a mental illness which can cause me to isolate, in turn making me think i'm fat , ugly and worthless. I've put on 4 stone due to medication for my illness & i thought my boyfriend would leave me, my friends wouldn't want to be seen with me etc.

The sad thing is, we can't see what others see. If we could there would be no esteem issues !

Just from reading yours posts i can tell you are a very caring person, that alone is worth it weight in gold

Also, my friend is a larger lady (and very comfortable in her skin!) and she is a director of a company, she worked her way up and was offered partnership. Shes been a sixe 26-28 since she started with them.

Sending you lots of love x

Hi I've just been reading your posts and some of the things you saying about yourself remind me of myself eg. comparing yourself to others too much, inadequate, inferior etc. I have depression and (as you mention your mum has a mental illness) these things can run in the family it might be that you also have a predisposition to this illness. Yes it is an illness, nothing to be ashamed of. We can have this in varying degrees and it can be triggered by all kinds of situations. You seem really positive now and I hope that I'm wrong but if you ever feel like this again, find someone to talk to. It can cause you to criticise yourself out of all proportion and you lose the ability to see positives in anything. Talking to a friend will help you see all you've achieved and that your criticisms of yourself are too harsh. I wish you luck with your diet but remember that your weight does not define you. Throughout your life it will go up and down but if you have a more positive attitude, you'll find it easier to lose any weight. Well done for getting a job, it's a great new start!

Thank you all soooo much, I feel better just by reading your replies, so caring! lots of love xxx

Finishing uni is a stressful time, but see it as a good thing. Whilst you are looking for a job, you have time to work out and plan healthy meals. Try to look at things more positively