What are we doing to our children??

I was walking my 2 children to school this morning and my 7 year old son was walking behind my 10 year old daughter. He said to her in typical horrible brother fashion " Oy Megs, your legs are really really skinny" Now I have to admit that made me titter. However my lovely daughters reply made my blood run cold. She said "Yeah well thats good cos skinny is how you should be"

It just made me think. I do my best NOT to make an issue over food in my house. I feed them healthy stuff to the best of my abilty, however nothing is banned and if they want treats then they can have them - I always tell them that a bit of everything is okay. I am also very lucky in that my kids ARE a healthy weight and so I dont have to worry about that side of things.

However. It makes me wonder - they must pick up on my own preoccupation with my weight and size. I DO comment that I feel fat and unhappy with my figure so maybe Im not doing such a good job after all . Maybe we should all be careful with the messages we give our youngsters. After all they get bombarded with the "thin is good" issue every day on the TV and in magazines. It is the last thing they need to hear at home too.

Love to all

I have 3 daughters 11, 6 and 21 months.My eldest are terrible with weight issues already and it comes from school and they're friends,my 6 year old is like a stick very slim and wont eat much as she doesnt want to get 'fat' at her age I have taken her to the DR and he just says they should grow out of it.My 11 year old constantley says she wants to diet and shes a 'normal' size for her age..........I think TV and Mags arent helping with stars and airbrushing making it look easy for us all to be ''perfect''?
I think you just need to say to your children skinny isnt good but healthy eating is?
I think its harder for them than it was for us dont you?
xxc

I agree tashy. Only the other night, there was some programme on TV about the top 10 parts of our bodies we hate the most (Diet doctors I think it was) and my 19 year old daughter and myself were joining in along the lines of 'Oh yes - I hate my tummy too ...' Then when they were talking about thighs, my 10 year old daughter chipped in and said 'I really hate my legs - they're too fat.'

Well, my jaw dropped to the floor because if anyone could see Sophie, she's tall, slim with legs that go on forever. I started remonstrating with her saying that her legs were beautiful and there wasn't a single part of her body that she should be ashamed of. But she got quite irritated and stroppy at the suggestion and said 'But you and Liz say you hate YOUR bodies'.

What could I say? It was true ... Liz and I had sat there trashing every part of our anatomies and I suspect Sophie was just joining in because it seemed to be 'the done thing'.
I tried to worm out of it by saying that there were parts of me I wasn't happy with because I hadn't looked after myself with a healthy diet and enough exercise over the years but that I didn't hate EVERY part of my body.

So I'm going to have to stop this constant barrage of self-criticism in front of Sophie and concentrate more on what I can achieve now that I've lost weight and try to promote a healthy lifestyle as opposed to losing weight to 'look better'.

Hi

It's a tricky subject this isn't it.

As a child my Mum policed my eating quite strictly, she didn't often say no but would make comments like, 'Are you eating again?' or 'Do you really need that?' or 'Don't you think you've had enough?' You get the idea I'm sure. My mum has struggled with her own weight all her life and was always on various diets so when she was sticking to her lastest diet she would sort of carry me along with her and make numerous comments about my food intake. However when she gave up -usually a Friday evening- she'd pack me and my Dad off to the sweet shop to buy 'loads of goodies'

Now I wasn't particularly big as a child, not a scrawny kid but not even big enough to be labelled chubby. So in a way I'm glad that my mum did make me aware of what I was eating, but is this why I overeat now? Have I never learnt control for myself? Or was it the Friday night treats that have left me as a binger? When I left home I revelled in the freedom of eating all I fancied and gained 2 st in 6 months and have piled it on ever since.

So that's me, now I question about my own kids and their eating. My DS was always pretty scrawny but the last year or so he's gone stocky and a bit round. My DD now 13 is quite chubby, wearing 12-14 clothes which I know is not overly big especially as she is very developed so hers is an adult body; and as I say to her a size 12-14 adult is actually slim and she just feels bigger cos her friends body's have not matured yet. However I do have concerns over their weight, although I try to reassure DD, as she is quite bothered about her size (she won't go swimming) and has very low self esteem. I don't want her to gain more weight but I don't want to turn into my Mother.

So what should we be doing? It's seems to me such a fine line between making them aware that they cannot eat everything they want and turning them into bingers like me?

I'd be interested to hear how you all manage these issues with your kids.

I was always fit and healthy as a child and when I look back, the biggest single factor in why kids in general were more healthy wasn't so much 'how much we ate' as 'how much we did'.

EVERYONE was more active in the 60s & 70s - as a kid there weren't such things as computers, games consols etc and we were out in all weathers riding our bikes, running about etc.

Even as a teenager, we never had the money for bus fares and there was no quetion of being taxied around by our parents so we had to walk or cycle to our friends houses.

So for Sophie, I don't buy a lot of junky snack food (although we have 'some'), she can have fruit as an when she wants it (her current fave is water melon - bleauuch!)

But more importantly, we try to encourage her to DO loads of outside stuff. She has her bike, two scooters, roller blades, a permenant 'tent den' and a trampoline (which was the single BEST investment EVER!!)

Unless it's raining stair-rods or a blizzard, she likes to go out to play and there isn't a day goes by she isn't bouncing around on her trampoline.
I'm hoping this will instill some good habits for the future and take the emphasis off food.

Interesting - ......
I was always FAT - chubby toddler who gew into a fat child whose food was restricted from the age of 6 [as I remember getting on the scales and weighing 5 stone and that was a major issue in our house]
My mum - very beautiful & very slim - never more than a size 8-10 - my dad also fit & slim but had a sister who had been morbidly obese from an early age.
i was always compared to my Aunty Heather - I look nothing like her but because I was big I was "like her"
my parents out of concern restricted everything I ate - I was given less of everything - I felt hurt - i loved food- IT Wasn't Fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I rebelled - as mum dished up and turned her back to get the next pan off the stove I scooped mashed potatoes off my brothers plate and shoved them in my mouth - I hid food in the daytime to eat at night in my bedroom!
Food has always been naughty but indulgent to me - i never wanted to be fat - I was teased at school but still I rebelled!

My parents were only concerned & they did what they think was best for my welfare.....................but...............my daughter - about to turn 6 years old has the same problem - she is overweight she weighs over the unforgiveable 5 stone and she adores food! She is beautiful.
She is pre-occupied with food and already I can see she has an addiction to it!
How do i help her - i prepare healthy meals i try not to restrict her too much and let her indulge in a little of everything that her friends are allowed!
She loves all food including fruit & veg which are plentiful in the house but she also adores yoghurts, chocolate, sweets etc.
I am rambling on but I am scared for her as I know her weight will stick with her as mine did because she is obsessed with food - she even has to recap on her meals for the day at bedtime to make sure she has had breakfast, lunch & tea and if she cannot remember having lunch she will beg me to make her lunch there and then despite her being in bed !
Any experiences / solutions would be gratefully received......

It is a very difficult issue. My Mum always made an issue over mine and my 2 younger sisters weight. Myself and my youngest sister never really had a problem but my middle sister was always chubby and I remember my Mum always restricting what she ate. However, when we look back at pictures, she was lovely - round and smiling - and in retrospect a very healthy child. We ALL have issues with our weight and NONE of us are unhealthy. I am currently the biggest and could do with losing a few pounds but I am not unheathily overweight.

My point is that it is very easy to give your kids an issue with food - and not just an issue with being healthy.

As parents we control what we buy. We can show by example what is healthy, I also think is important not to BAN anything as the BANNED foods can then become much desired.

I am also trying to show my children that appearance is not all and that fat or thin, tall or short, it is what is inside that matters.

Even so - it is obvious from my daughters comments this morning that I am fighting an uphill struggle. I have made a promise to myself today and that it that I am not going to comment on weight anymore - not even my own. Health and lifestyle BUT NOT weight.

ANyway - am rambling - sorry.

This is a big issue for me and one i felt i needed to reply to,I have a 9 yr old daughter who is very aware of what she is eating,has no weight problems, but obviously with me having the 'problem' has always been very aware. I at one stage did get concerned she understood too much,but dealt with it by talking to her,either while shopping for food or cooking etc about foods and what they do for you eg,wholemeal pasta,rice,bread etc is better for your body than white as it contains a lot of fibre which stops you getting tummy ache etc as you can go to the toilet a lot easier or fruit is better than a doughnut because it wont put fat around your heart and make it work harder, What i am trying to say is talk about what good and bad foods can do rather than weight !!. My fil recently died suddenely as thin as a rake,from a heart attack after years of eating high fat foods (and smoking). Personally i think teaching them the benefits of a healthy diet from a young age is the way to go rather than emphasising on weight. Hope this all makes sense as i have waffled a bit !! Love Sarah x

rubysnanny said:

This is a big issue for me and one i felt i needed to reply to,I have a 9 yr old daughter who is very aware of what she is eating,has no weight problems, but obviously with me having the 'problem' has always been very aware. I at one stage did get concerned she understood too much,but dealt with it by talking to her,either while shopping for food or cooking etc about foods and what they do for you eg,wholemeal pasta,rice,bread etc is better for your body than white as it contains a lot of fibre which stops you getting tummy ache etc as you can go to the toilet a lot easier or fruit is better than a doughnut because it wont put fat around your heart and make it work harder, What i am trying to say is talk about what good and bad foods can do rather than weight !!. My fil recently died suddenely as thin as a rake,from a heart attack after years of eating high fat foods (and smoking). Personally i think teaching them the benefits of a healthy diet from a young age is the way to go rather than emphasising on weight. Hope this all makes sense as i have waffled a bit !! Love Sarah x

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That's exactly how I deal with it but in a more simplified form. I ask my 4 year old if she has had enough of the things her body needs to grow and stop her getting ill.

So much so that she asked my step brother why he hadn't got any vegetables on his plate and my warning expression told him he'd better be bloody careful about how he replied. I will not allow the term 'I don't like that' in my house. My daughter will try anything and be told that it's is ok to prefer certain foods.

My friend was telling me about a programme on channel 4 last year in which the documentary followed this lady to the supermarket.

She was very irate because all the processed food contained lactose which she had just found out her son was intolerent to.

My thoughts having been told this was 'why don't you just cook him something yourself' but then I was bought up always knowing how to cook a healthy meal (I learnt the binging later ).

The trouble is that a couple of generations have lost of lot of the skills that previous generations took for granted.

Mind you I'm not whiter than white, if you asked me to make gravy from scratch for example I would really have to think about how to do it

Convenience foods are in pretty much everyones diets in one form or another be it sliced bread or turkey twizlers.