This time next year........

Im 30 this year and i just cant spend my 30's hating myself like i have done in my 20's. I lost 5 stone two years ago and felt fantastic, but i have put 4 of it back on :ashamed0005: and im so cross with myself. I was on here late last year, full of it because i had started cambridge, but i soon fell off that wagon. What is wrong with me that i abuse myself like this? I am fat because i eat too much junk, drink too much wine and dont do any exercise......there ive said it now! I appreciate there are people out there who put weight on because of medication and illness etc but i do it to myself. Im flying to Canada 3 weeks today to see family i havent seen for 4 years. Im not excited like i should be because all i can think about is i wont fit in the plane seat and the belt wont do up around me and i'll have to ask for an extender and how mortifiying that will be for me. Then even if that goes ok the family will see me and think "god shes put weight on!!!" All the girls there are skinny model types and i will just feel like crap and be worrying my gorjuws hubby will be thinking he's ashamed of me.

Right, self pity over!!! Iam ordering my Exante packs today. I know it wont be easy, but i will do it. I know i'll cry and get frustrated when im down and hungry and missing wine and chocolate at the weekend, but it wont mean i'll stray off the Exante path. Then this time next year i will be healthier, happier, sexier and it will be soooo worth it!!!!! xoxoxox
 
Well done on making a start....try not to worry about the airplane seat...I am sure the belt will be fine. I am sure your family love you whatever size you are...this is a new beginning for you.
Don't focus on your weight when in Canada...just enjoy your time.
 
Thanks for your reply Delicious-Jax. I know you are right, but im really cross with myself at the moment, i have had this trip planned for 9 months and was always going to start the diet on monday, now 3 weeks away im in a panic!! lol. xoxox
 
Oh C-F I could have written your post myself. Although I'd add to it the fact that I can't fit in the bath and have water in it as well :) I lost 3.5 stone a couple of years ago, kept it off for 6 months and then stuck it all back on again. I don't know why really. I don't think it's that we are greedy, it's far more complicated that and all tied up with emotions.

Just think though, you might have lost a stone before you get in the plane!
 
Good luck

xx
 
Thanks everyone xxx Im ordering my packs today (after shifting some money around lol) so hopefully they will be here tomorrow, i did read somewhere that if you order them before 1pm they come the next day??

I think you are totally right mygoodnessme, it is much more complicated than just greed. For example, my husband eats far more than me on many ocaations and is a stick!!! He exercises though and just doesnt think about food all the time. Thats what i do just think about food ALL THE TIME!! Not that im hungry all the time or fantasisng about it, just thinking what i should be eating and when. Congratualting myself if im "good" or beating myself up if im "bad". I just want to have more in my life then food, dress sizes and worry about up comming events that i should be excited about.

Im mentally ready to start the diet now, slightly apprehensive about being able to do it though, but what im really worried about is afterwards and being able to keep it off!!!!. xoxoxo
 
Good luck Charley. And I wouldnt worry about the plane. I flew last March when I was at my start weight and it was tight but I managed without having to embarrass myself and ask for an extender belt.

And yes the packs should arrive tomorrow if youve already ordered them.
 
thanks joanne, i may allow myself to become slightly excited then!! lol. Well just had an email to say my stuff will be delivered between 10.28 and 11.28 this morning!! So im gonna start tomorrow, i just want tonight to look through it all and get organised. Im really motivated now though, i'll have to read back on this when i start to flag! I was thinking about this last night and i started my usual impatient thoughts about how i want to be slim NOW, but i have to hold that in and try to enjoy the journey to get there. When i get to goal im going to have my hair done totally differently, at the moment its shoulder length, with a fringe and dark. Dont know what i'll do, but i just want to reinvent myself, leave the fat charlie behind!! xoxoxo
 
Glad to hear you sounding so positive. Go girl!
 
and im off!!!! Day one, just had a bar for brekkie, tasted good, drinking my water, have black coffe anyway so no probs there. So far so good, but i would be worried if i was struggling already! lol. Got a strawberry shake for lunch, then will have a soup for tea. Im at work now, so i know i'll be ok while im here but i dont work fridays, so slightly worried about being at home. I have decorating to do, so im going to busy myself with that over the weekend to avoid food.

Just thinking how im going to work this when im in Canada? Im going to take packs of soup and shakes in my case and do my best. I know the better thing to do would have been to wait until i got back to start, but there are events throughout the year, and i could have talked myself out of starting until after this and that. Then before i know it it would be this time next year and i'd be even heavier. Im going to exercise everyday and hopefully it wont do too much damage! Im such a worrier, i need to chill out!!!

Have a good day everyone xoxoxo
 
Well i got through day 1, yipee!!! Feeling a bit worn out and headachy today, not sure if im comming down with something or its the diet? Had a teaspoon of vanilla shake in my coffee this morning it was lovely so i'll def do that again. Its a lovely sunny day here today and i wanted to paint my living room but just cant be bothered! 2 weeks to canada woop woop! Xoxoo
 
I kept getting headachy and had to have several really early nights so I think it may well be the diet. Everyone kept saying I needed to drink more water so then spent most of my time on the loo!
 
Hey well done on day 1! i started yesterday as well! drink more water and you should soon feel great :) xxx
 
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