Helping a Family Member through SW

I started back in october '10 with my mum and her work colleague. We both had a great start, but then i found it difficult and went full cycle. (kickstarted last 3 weeks with good losses). However, im feeling bad about my mum.

She's now back to where she started and i feel helpless in her quest to lose weight. We both want to lose our weight by next summer( my graduation and her 50th!) but i don't think she can stick to the plan.

We hardly see each other during the day, so we have different breakfasts and lunches. It doesnt help that she was on Red and i was on green. She's jumped on the EE diet and im thinking that i should do the same? Would this help/motivate her into kickstarting a weight loss.

On her days off, she tends to go out and eat with her friends or my sisters, she <3 the rocky horror at the harvester and i cant get her to see how these "treats" are seriuously damaging her diet.

My sisters, unintentionally, are sabotaging her diet. They bring sweets,chocolates and crisps into the house (me and the mum do the shopping and refuse to buy these items) and they somehow end up with the mum when she's watching TV.

Being a guy aswell, i dont know how the women's mind works with diet but im sure if i can find the willpower to make this diet work, im sure she can? :sigh:

TBh I think she has to want to do it herself, and has to have the willpower herself. No one can sabotage her except for herself. I really think it is a personal thing, maybe one day she will suddenly feel motivated and off her own back won't allow herself to be tempted by all the treats your sisters bring her.

If she is feeling down about her own loss, then maybe you should tactfully try to help her see what she's really eating - maybe there is a bit of denial on her part that these treats are hurting her.

I'm not sure there is much else you can do.

cheers, i'll have a talk with her later today and see whats up. She's lost 3 stone on the plan before, so i know she can do it. I just feel bad when i know she's off the wagon.

I agree, she has to want it. If she's lost 3 stone before on sw she obviously knows how it works.

It's wonderful u want to help her... Now she has to want to help herself. Good luck.

Have you worked out how many syns are in the Harvester 'treats'. Maybe these can be incorporated into her weekly syn allowance. You could also remind her the syn value of the 'other' treats. Could you have a word with the other family memebers & tell them how important it is she loses weight & to bring less/no treats. Or maybe they could start bringing so SW friendly treats.

Or try & keep a tally on her total syns & remind her how many she has left for the week.

Otherwise all you can do is encourage her as you are.

I don't see how you doing EE will help you support your mum.

Oh, mate- this sounds so familiar!

My Mum is super morbidly obese and finds it difficult to walk or even stand for long periods.

Despite knowing that you can never really change someone without them wanting to do it themselves, a couple of years ago I sat her down and told her how worried I was. I tried to not do it in a preachy way- just told her (shocking I know) that she was going to die and that would mean I would lose my Mum and I didn't want it to happen. I told her i would drive her to class every week ( a 30 mile round trip) and pay for her, if she would just give it a go.

It started out wonderfully, and she lost about 3 stone, but then asked if she could do it on her own, so I left her to it and gradually I started picking up on 'untruths' and then found out she wasn't at class because she felt she could manage herself, then she said she was so worried about loose skin she was going to stop for a while- she too has a sister who feeds her, and is completely in denial about how she is killing herself. She has now regained all the weight she lost plus extra and her knees are still crumbling and she will probably need the fire brigade to get her out of her flat when something happens to her- it is utterly heartbreaking

So- I have nothing to offer you in the way of advice- she HAS to want to do it herself, because you can't be there all the time! You can try and have a real frank talk with her and see if it kicks her up the bum or not, but long-term, that urge has got to be strong enough to last

Sorry for having nothing to say that helps, I just wanted to know that I truly understand what you are going through- you must be a fantastic son, and all you can do is lead by example and never stop loving your Mum for who she is, even if her actions are upsetting to you.

xxxx

I think you are a sweetheart for trying to help your mum, but I have to agree with Maverick. If mum was truly motivated she would be making better choices herself Maybe she is not in the right frame of mind to do it just now.

I think the best thing you can do is follow the plan well yourself and she may be inspired when she sees how well you are doing. Best of luck

Thanks for the comments and advice. I'm going to have a talk with her and see if theres a reaction. Fingers crossed she finds that motivational spark.

Thanks again.

its nice that she has a son who cares so much about her happiness xoxo

I really hope that by seeing you do so well that your mum can find her motivation to get going again. Just keep showing her how much you love her and hopefully it will get through. Perhaps try and speak to your sisters though, to try and work out what their motivation for buying all the extra things is? I know I've done it in the past, bought chocolate and c**p for my OH because it justifies my own overeating of those things then.

Cocktailprincess's post really hit a nerve for me, because I am that super mobidly obese woman and I would hate to think of any of my family worrying about me in that way or having to say good bye to me early. Thats another motivation to keep me on track.

I hope you work it out - perhaps as a last resort you could print this thread out and send it to your mum with a card telling her how much you love her and always will but that you want her to be around to love for a very long time yet xxxx