Oh thanks everyone for replying. I appreciate you all being truthful, it took allot for me to admit on here that I had depression so I am glad that I could speak about it openly.
i'm on prozac stuff and am fine when 100%. i would say that some meds do affect your weight (e.g hormones stuff) but i would say that not depression meds.
Hey hon
It takes a lot of courage to "put yourself out there" regarding depression so well done you. I know it's hard but breaking the "silence" of depression and seeking support is one of the best things you can do as the isolation just feeds it.
You will find that a lot of us have had (or still have) personal experience of it.
I've been off work since last April with a severe case but have been lucky enough to find a wonderful psychotherapist and great support on here since I started CD in September. I'm slowly but steadily recovering and I've forced myself to be quite open about my journey and frequently write about my therapy and what's in my head in my diary section.
Putting on weight was a huge side-effect of my illness and starting CD when I felt ready too has been a huge boost in helping my recovery - luckily my GP has been fantastic and understood how demoralised I was about my weight gain.
Not sure if you have discovered it yet but mind.org.uk is a fab resource.
Take care
Oh you don't realise how much you are describing me. When I also have a bad day I have to get rid of everything. I am also scared of losing my family because of what I have become and I do anything for my boyfriend to not leave me.
The only thing I am worried about starting cambridge diet is that if I have a bad day and not as good as the rest will it put me on a downward spiral? My doctors has signed all my forms and I did see a counsellor who was very supportive. She has called me this morning to see how it was all going and called me just now and she said she would like to call around as well with me on saturday. I think she is wonderful. Are all counsellors as kind and caring like this?
Madzbabe
Are you getting any formal talking therapy? If not that might be something to talk to your GP about and I'd suggest psychotherapy rather than counseling as it gets much deeper into what is triggering your depression.
As for your boyfriend etc I know what you mean. I put my family and friends through hell for the last 4 years ... at times my sister had to leave voicemails threatening to call the police unless I made contact within the next 24 hours as I just used to ignore everyone. I actually ended up writing a letter to the important people in my life explaining just how hopeless I felt and the shame I felt at how I treated them but also about how powerless I felt. It really helped as they had no idea how dark it was for me inside.
The shame we feel about how we behave is one of the hardest things to break out of in depression. It's really hard but you have to start telling yourself it is not you doing these things.. it is your illness. You are not a horrible person... your illness makes it difficult for you to cope with people/situations. Your illness causes symptoms and these symptoms can be anger, silence, eating/binging, self blame, resentment etc.
I never wanted to empty the house but I did move 4 times! It was my way of "running away" from everything but of course that didn't work at all.
If a letter doesn't feel right at the moment then maybe one of these links could be helpful to them?:
-http://www.overcomedepression.co.uk/FamilyAndFriendsCategory.html
You may or may not find the following links helpful yourself.. I found them really helpful and some or maybe all of them will resonate with you.
DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?
ARE YOU UNHAPPY BECAUSE YOU'RE HEAVY, OR HEAVY BECAUSE YOU'RE UNHAPPY?
Just remember that if you do struggle to lose weight at the moment it may be that you are just too ill at the moment.... it would be like someone with a broken leg trying to train for a marathon... it is just a physical impossibility. It may be that you need to recover a bit more at which time dealing with the weight will become easier and a natural step in your recover.
And you can recover I promise! 8 months ago I was not washing or changing clothes for days on end. I was pushing people away because the isolation was easier for me to handle and I felt so horrible inside I was sure that I must be horrible to be around. When I did go out it was all I could do not to just take my hands off the steering wheel to get away from the pain of it all. But with a supportive GP, the proper medication and a psychotherapist I have slowly but steadily improved. I'm still on the journey of recovery (took me years to slowly get depressed so will not be a quick fix recovery) but I am functioning, optimistic, seeing friends and family, and beginning to embrace life and the future again.
hey it is when you hit rock bottom life holds no hope that you do things that you know you shouldn't and wouldn't in a normal mood.
i remember having an extremely difficult time with my job, i got bullied i went off sick due to depression. i got another job but thanks to some bad advice from my previous employer due to what to do about sick days i took i lost it. i had some really strong tablets that were opiate based. i stood in the kitchen (i had no kids, i was engaged to my hubby) and life had no meaning and no point and everything i'd worked for and given my life to had gone in one bad move. i started popping those pills down my throat. i'd taken 5 when hubby to be walked in and took the tablets off me and flushed them down the loo. i realised in an instant what i had got in my life and although i was depressed up to the limit that i could cope with i knew that someone cared about me, about what i did. he loved me.
boy i was so ill the following day - throwing up, shaking, dizziness etc but in the long run i was fine after taking the tablets. i've never done that again.