An interesting turnaround of events!!

Hi Miniminners!

Something has changed recently that I've found quite strange to get my head around!

My Mum has always had an obsession with weight, her own and unfortunately mine too ALL my life, constantly commenting on it and watching what I've eaten! I am sure this has contributed greatly to my unhealthy relationship with food and consequently problems with my weight, but I'll let bygones be bygones as I must take, and am taking responsibility for my own issues and should not blame others!! However everytime I have seen her over the years (every 3 months or so since I have lived 3 hours from home for the past 14 years) she has either made comments or made it obvious that she is biting her tongue when I have tucked into heartier than SHE would like portions or indulged in puddings, or when the topic of 'weight' has arisen!

So anyway, since becoming quite a lot slimmer (was size 20, now size 14), I have noticed that she has gone completely the other way, telling me not to lose much more, that I'm now very slim (I'm not!!) and actively encouraging me to indulge in a muffin or a slice of cake during morning coffee- "surely ONE won't do any harm....."!

I find it fascinating how things can change so much! Don't get me wrong, it's lovely to at last feel that my Mum 'approves' of my 'acceptable' slimness (it's shocking in itself to have spent so many years feeling such pressure!), but I find it quite unnerving! I know that she's genuinely pleased for me- I'm making her sound like an old bat here but she's actually a very caring lovely person- she was brought up by a gaggle of weight-obsessed women so I suppose she just can't help herself, it's been engrained in her! It just feels bizarre that someone can go from one extreme to another in their approach! As a teenager I remember threatening that I would become anorexic to 'show her' (what an awful thing to say) and her response would be "don't be so ridiculous!" and now I think she's actually worried that I WILL take it too far!! I certainly haven't given off any signs of deprivation- I eat really well (and I am still 10lb above the top end of a healthy BMI) I just feel that 2 hours after a good breakfast I don't necessarily need to eat cake before my lunch and I'm OK with not having chocolate and a glass of wine infront of the TV in the evening!

Has anyone else experienced any interesting or unnerving changes of attitude from close family members?

Lol - it sounds like she just enjoys having a good nag Oh well, let her enjoy herself and just don't take any notice. You eat what you think you should and be the size you think you should be. She can enjoy doing what she enjoys - moaning

My family also say not to take it too far, but they know I'm eating sensibly and good portions, just the right food instead of junk like I used to have. There is one of my aunts (who is only 10 years older than me) who I think feels a little threatened that she's the biggest in the family now (instead of me), so everyone tells her to do something and look how good Meli looks. I don't think she takes it very well though. Sometimes it's jealousy, sometimes it's real concern.

ive recently lost 3 stone with ww and now switched to sw which i love. well anyway my mil keeps telling me not to lose anymore weight, says im fine the way i am now. but i keep telling her im still very overweight with about another 4/5 stone to lose.. she's totally shocked with this!! i am a size 16. 18 in some shops. how come she doesnt want me to be heathly weight.? i just dont get it.

my sister lost 3st on SW and although my mum was really supportive after about 1.5 stone she started to say that she didn't need to loose anymore, even hinting that maybe it was her husband that wanted her to loose more weight (so not true by the way)
i've lost 21 lbs now and although i've still got a lot to loose she's already started with ' how much do you want to loose?' and 'there'll be nothing left of you' (oh there so will )

like you i know she means well but she'll have to get used to not having 2 'big girls' as daughters anymore

Maybe your mum has some sort of psychological dysfunctional thinking around food. I would just think she is finding it difficult with the change as well but remember like yuo said deep down she is really pleased for you. And wow that is impressive from 20-14 you should be proud of yourself

Mums eh! You've got to love them cos let's face it, you're not allowed to kill. them - LOL. My mum did exactly the same thing. I started to fill out when I left school (no compulsory sports) and realised a steady weight of around 11 - 11.5 st . My mum never commented on my weight until I joined the Army and moved to Germany. I married & a couple of years later after having a baby, I came home on leave as a 9.5 st version of my old self. My wonderful mum kept saying how 'skinny' I was :8855:and tried to fatten me up again. Loved her to bits and accepted that she just hadn't ever seen me at that weight (not since I was about 14!!).

I think most mums are like this, they worry too much, i will probably be the same with mine even though i dont want to be lol.

classic

I think some of it is down to concern and some may actually be due to jealousy! It can be discomforting to others if you've always been known as the big one and then slim down - its like you aren't 'you' anymore!

Like you I've slimmed down from a size 20 - and fully expect my mother to be both proud (she's told me so over the phone) and very annoying when she finally sees me in person (she visits next month for my brother's wedding) - I fully expect the "you can have a drink and cake it won't do you any harm" speech over Xmas if I don't join in the pig out session - you can't win!!!

Well, *a* cake and drink probably wouldn't, she'd be right. But people who are not trying to lose weight often don't understand the psychology of those who are. One cake and drink can destroy an entire weightloss program if they're not psychologically prepared or compensated for.

My Mum was dreadful for trying to get me to eat cake when she knew I was dieting but improved with this once she realised how much grief my gallbladder was giving me.

It is only the last few months that I have finall started losing weight and now she's saying that she'll have to now. I think it was really convenient to have me as big before, in her mind it was our genes. Now I'm losing, it challenges that.

I've noticed this too! Not at first, it was all 'you look great' or 'you cant eat that much on a diet and lose weight' (ahahahahaaaaa!!!) but now I've got to a stone and a half a couple of people have said 'dont get too thin/lose too much' and even things like 'your OH didnt fall in love with you skinny'... as if losing weight and becoming even more of a foxy chick is going to put him off?!?!?!?

People are very strange indeed! xxxx

omg funcurls are we related - this is soooo my mum!!

I originally lost 5st with slimming world 13 years ago and have managed to keep it off but this year i have slowly put on a stone - but as its been gradual people haven't really noticed - so when i decided to lose the stone hopefully before christmas i was told by my mum that i was stupid and taking dieting to the extreme!!! Never once has she told me that i did well in losing the weight and also keeping it off - its always been criticism! You can't win!!xx

am starting to get people saying its time to stop i look good and dont want to take it to far lol i have not been this size for about 30 years and have no intention of stopping till i reach healthy bmi then i will see if i want to stay or lose more just smile and say yes mum

Love this - Mummy Funcurls sounds like any concerned mumsie!!!

My Mum never sees me as overweight and when i say i have 4 stone left to lose she doesnt get it!!!! she thinks im nice as a size 16/18 and anything less is skinny!

I want to be a size 12!!!! gah!

x

I suppose they're all different and everyone has completely different perspectives on weight!! Thankfully some Mums don't even see the weight, they just see their lovely gorgeous daughters (sigh sigh!!) I love my Mum to bits but in views about weight terms I wish she was like MummyBear!!!X

I find this one of the most annoying things about losing weight! I have been heavier than both of my sisters since I was 9 - I am not exaggerating - and they were 16 and 18. I went through ten years of being called 'the oldest' or 'the healthiest' because I was bigger. Now, I am almost at the target I first set myself, and most of my family are telling me to stop losing weight because I now look good! Well, sorry, but it's about how I feel! And you haven't exactly made me feel so comfortable in my own skin for a long time, so let me get there myself! GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRR!!!

Lovely stories btw everyone lol x

evethewitch said:

am starting to get people saying its time to stop i look good and dont want to take it to far - have no intention of stopping till i reach healthy bmi then i will see if i want to stay or lose more just smile and say yes mum

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This is so me! Fed up of people looking at me like I've gone barmy when I say I'm half way to target!!!

I suppose that one good thing is that it means that when people make such comments it means that they genuinely think that we look good which is a great bonus- I've worried all my life about being acceptable to others, but the point of it all really that some people seem to miss is that I'm doing this for myself and it's up to me to decide how far I want to go (within healthy parameters of course!)X