Ygernas Journal

I'm pants at regularly writing things down, recording things but, I thought this may be a way of getting that 'stuff' that you sometimes need to get off your chest, so to speak, out and in the open.

I am very near my 1st stone award. I need to lose 1.5 lbs at weigh in tomorrow and its done. I am so near but, if I only lose a 1lb, or even .5lb I am going to feel let down. I've been very good, regarding syns this week, no oops, should not have eaten THAT kind of things. But, I don't think I've been eating enough superfree foods. It has been a very odd week, children starting school, etc.
I can't believe how MUCH I want that stone award tomorrow.
I wore some jeans this week. Not been able to wear them since last Autumn, which shows how much I've eaten in a year. Why did I do that? I had to try on 5 pairs, all ones in my drawer, all from the same store, all the same size but, only this pair fitted. Weird.
I've got work today, I'm usually in the kitchen but, I need to be out front, more excercise to be had out there. Thing is, I'd do some when I get home but, after a day of being on my feet, literally, I get a 10 minute break and a half hour lunch, my feet hurt so much I could cry. I am really hoping that by loseing weight I can stop being in pain. My feet hurt, my left knee hurts, my back, my hip, it all hurts. All because I am carrying the equivalent of another person in FAT on me. Disgusted with myself for getting this bad. Determined to get rid of it.

Pants.

I can't stay on plan.

The plan is easy, but, I am making stupid choices. Had to work yesterday, DH was ill, so ordered pizza for the children. They eat the potato wedges and chicken but never eat the pizza. I ate nearly the whole medium pizza myself:cry: How am I going to lose weight doing that?

I start each morning DETERMINED to get myself on plan. I even manage for 90% of the day but then something will 'give' and I'm eating something stupid.

I've been to the GP, about the weird moods and excessive symptoms I experience during * week. I now have two lots of meds to take, one lot every day, the other just during * week. I am pinning my hopes on these. I wish I'd mentioned it to them years ago though. How frustrating to have suffered, and to cause my family to as well, when there is meds available! tsk.

Right. Got to work today so need to get cracking, hmm, cracking, I might have some eggs for breakfast....

Hi. I can totally understand where you are coming from as my diet depends on my mood. Give the tablets a few weeks and hopefully your mood will lift and then so will your motivation. Good luck

Hi hun. I know exactly what you mean with the whole sticking to plan thing. I wake up in the morning with all the best intentions and loads of motivation and when I'm at work and during the day I'm usually fine and stick to plan. But then as soon as I get home in the evening I crack and give in to temptations and eat all sorts of bad things. I seem to go through phases though, and I'm doing ok at the moment, not sure how long it will last though!

I think your mood has such a big effect on how well you stick to plan. If you are feeling rubbish you just don't have the motivation to make a salad or cook a healthy dinner. But hopefully your new meds will help make you feel a bit better so that you find it easier.

Good luck on your journey hun

Thank you lovely ladies for your support.

I've lost another two pounds this week. Its fantastic. I was really pleased to see it, and I am now so close to my 10% target that I am excited about it. lol. Still have those moments when I cave and can't stop myself from eating things I shouldn't but at least I seem to be controling it enough to still be losing weight.

I can't sleep tonight. I am having sleep issues. I keep falling asleep at really silly times, extremely so a couple of times, I was asleep before the children. Then, somewhere around 1ish in the morning I am waking up and can't get back to sleep. I've been awake for about two hours now and I know that I've got to get up at 6. Well technically I am up now, but, you know what I mean. I'm tired but my head is buzzing, again thats almost literally too as my Tinnitus is really bad this evening. I have a lot on my mind at the moment. Not sure if I should write it down or not; I've shared stuff in the past in online diaries and then it comes as a shock to me that people actually read them, lol. I am naive I guess. I spend so much of my time in the vitual world that I use it, perhaps far too much as a place to 'vent' my emotions, thoughts and feelings but, I forget that at the other end of that, is a real person, someone who may be reading what I write and that it may affect them too. Sometimes it might be a positive affect, others it may be negative. I think everyone needs some tool for expressing pent up thoughts, and feelings, for some people they have an extremely close confidant, be that husband, wife or close friend. Me? I seem to want to write. Especially at stoopid times of the day, or night it seems.

The good news is that writing this has started me yawning, so I am off to try and get another hours sleep or so before its time to get up. Wish me luck.

Not sticking to plan I've got the munchies. I keep eating rubbish. Not literal rubbish, but you know what I mean. I want to get back on track so I need to work out why I am low and trying to eat my way to comfort. It is odd, as in general I feel quite ok, how contrary is that? I even put makeup on this morning as I want to look ok, and it felt good to wear it. The weight loss is still happening, so it can't be that which is making me eat. *sigh* its all so flippin un fathomable.

I hate the munchies! I'm such a comfort eater, so it takes a lot of willpower not to go and raid the cupboards sometimes.

You are do amazingly well tho hun, only 6lb to go!! Thats less than half a stone and I'm sure it will be gone in no time. I wish I knew the secret to your success, as I am losing weight at the speed of a snail, lol.

Keep up the good work hun x

EEEK, I've done it! I've got my 10% award.

I am so pleased! Last week at weigh in I saw how close I was to getting it and I decided I was going to get it this week. I've been planning and weighing and NOT eating too many off plan syns and I lost 2.5lbs which took me to just under my initial 10% target.
I couldn't stay for IT unfortunately because I had to go to have some tests at hospital. But, my C was lovely. She let me weigh early, or I would not have been able to go at all, and she was really pleased for me when I told her that I'd reached the magic 10%.
I am now going to set my next target as 10% of my current weight. It seems a nice workable sort of figure to aim for. Not so close as to be silly, but, not so far as to appear unreachable.
The weight loss has started to have benefits health wise too. I no longer have to take diclofenac everyday because of the pain in my knees. In fact, thinking about it, its been a few weeks since I took that, so thats a huge benefit. I have another reason for being pleased about losing the weight too. I am currently having tests to see if I can be a living kidney donor for my friend. She needs a transplant but none of her family are suitable matches. Initial tests have shown that I am a suitable match, now we need to investigate whether I am healthy enough, and if my kidneys are healthy enough to donate one. Its a terrifying thought but, I can only try and imagine how she must feel. So, I need to lose weight because of the risks involved otherwise. Being overweight means that they may not want to put me under a GA.
Also, today. I wore a nice skirt and make up, and was blown away by the fabulous, positive comments from people. Its lovely when people notice that you are losing weight, and taking more care of your appearance. It really motivates.