Breaking the cycle

Every day I go through the same old routine, in the evenings when the kids have gone to bed, eat to the point of feeling sick, then go to bed and my mind goes round and round with how I want to change things, and if only I could start CD again, lose a few stone and feel better about myself.
Then I get up the next day and do exactly the same thing. 'Why cant i break this cycle, I feel like Im constantly pushing the self destuct button. Hate my appearance so much, yet never do anything about it! :cry: