Rant-loads of little things peeing me off today

My OHs ex is an evil, conniving, immoral, spiteful, untruthful b**ch from hell (BFH). Always has been and always will be. When they were first dating the pill 'didn't work' and she became pregnant. For the next 15 years she bled him dry financially and emotionally. (For example, he was seriously ill in hospital for a couple of weeks and during that time she emptied the bank account for takeaways and clothes but didn't pay the rent and bills). He finally left in summer 2008.

At that time he found out that she had been keeping the children off school (the eldest one would lie about her day at school when he asked how it had been and make stuff up about it). The first he knew was when he received a letter from the court saying he had ignore invitations to meetings etc. He had never even seen these letters.

The eldest child had moved with him at that time and he get her attendance up to 98% and pressured the BFH to get the youngest back in school which finally happened in Jan this year. In June the eldest moved back with BFH (who basically lets her get away with whatever she wants hence preferring to live there). Since schools returned in Sept the eldests attendance has plummeted back down again and the youngests isn't too hot either.

These are just a couple of examples of what the BFH is like. We have to watch what we do and say around the kids as if they go back and tells BFH she will twist anything to make us look bad. She is forever 'forgetting' times they are due to us for tea. Or telling them they don't have to stay over if they don't want to while my partner is picking them up. We told her months ago we were away last Saturday night and arranged for them to come round on Friday. She 'forgot' and made other arrangements - and then told them their father wasn't seeing them at all this weekend as he would rather go away and enjoy himself.

Wheras my partner is happy to complain about the BFH, if I make any reference at all to anything that may have happened 5-6 years ago or before he will change the subject (I guess before then he must feel it was all 'happy families'). In many ways I get wilder about things than him becasue he is such a kind, nice person it is unfair he was s**t on the way she did for many many many years.

I've moved away from where I used to live to be with my partner so he didn't have to move away from his children. So I keep 'nearly' encountering her in town. She always has the children with her - which is how I know it's her - and she is such a spiteful object she would make a point of trying to score points off me in front of the children. Well, I've seen off smarter and more influential people than her in my time so would make mincemeat of her but that would make things difficult for my partner so I won't - so I seem to spend half my time dodging in to shops etc.

My partner has a good friend at his workplace BUT the guys missus is a good friend of my partners ex and the male friend is so far under his missus thumb (she is playing away but he loves her too much to tell her he knows and risk her leaving) he won't have contact with me.

His other best friend is living with the BFH's step sister. I get on fine with them but do keep hearing about how my partner and his ex were happy together and just grew apart.

My partners aunt has just been round with presents for his children - and proceeded to tell me what a lovely person the ex-wife is. (I can only assume she doesn't know about all the boyfriends the BFH had online while she was still with my partner - even starting to make arrangements to take the children and go and live with one of them; the £30,000 of debt she run up; the way she refused to spend time with my partners parents - probably because they could see her for what she really is).

At lease I can get some humour our of her lack of intelligence. She is one of those people who thinks she is a lot smarter than she is. The children are forever quoting pearls of wisdom their mother has come up with - and 9 times out of 10 it is absolute tosh.

On top of that, the sun is out and I'm stuck in waiting for someone to pick up some stuff I advertised on Freecycle - not realising I was out of washing tablets and I need to get a load on - but the moment I go out she'll turn up.

Plus we moved just over a week ago and I'm still surrounded by boxes.

Plus Christmas is just around the corner. Christmas Day will be great (partner, me, my son, partners parents) but 26th will be hell. Partners children are due round and they have been spoilt rotten materially from the days they were born and are really resentful now that a stop has been put on that so no doubt they'll be tallying up the costs of their presents as they open them and comparing to see if one has got more than the other etc etc. Don't mean that to sound *****y but it's true. Everything has a £ value to it in their eyes. Conversations are always who has got what, and what belongs to who etc. Even if they get pens or pencils out at ours, they always have to try and remember who the pen was bought for and therefore who it belongs to.

I DO like the children very much but it is hard work. Especially as my son is not like that. When they're round he is always stepping back to let them have their way about things and they are not grateful in the slightest but he keeps on doing it.

Sorry about the lengthy rant - been getting on top of me for a few months xxxx

My sister's OH has BFH ex too and it's amazing how people can get so bitter after a separation and use children as pawns. Ugh.

I feel for you - it's always frustrating when someone can be so mean but seem to angelic to others. It's just a sign of how manipulative they can be.

Don't let her upset you too much though - it's not worth it. I know it may frustrate you, especially the spoilt kids etc, but if she gets to you her goal is met and she will win (in her eyes).

I think you and the OH need to not talk about her at home and allow her ways to become part of YOUR life together - maybe he tries to change the topic to stop it upsetting you? I dunno...I just think it'll be better if you treat her like water off a duck's back. Plus, it might be hard for him to only recall her bad bits because it might not be easy given they have kids together etc.

But I think you need to make sure that your son is comfortable in his own home - it's not fair if he feels uncomfy whenever the others are there.

I hate that kids these days seem to be £ orientated...eugh.

Hope it gets better.

xxx

P.S Though BFH sounds horrid, try to bear in mind she WILL have her good points too and this may be fall out cause she wants you OH back and is jealous. Not defending her actions at all, but it was only last summer and it takes time to move on. She needs to be healthier about it though - but it should ebb away in time. xxx

Thank you for that - I know you're talking a lot of sense, it helps to see things through other people's eyes.

It IS hard to see that BFH may have some good points (her mother is too scared to pull her up over anything as she has been known to physically assault her mother. Plus she sits indoors chain smoking with the girls there, but refuses to have any windows open as she 'feels the cold').

Ah well, another 12 years and we won't have to have anything to do with her whatsoever!!

Once again, thank you

Oh Sue, your story sounds so familiar. My OH's ex is the same, lets kids get away with anything, doesn't teach them "life skills" and moral values, has no control over them, they think daddy has a neverending bank account even though he more than pays his way and completely manipulates their minds about him and me and that I am to blame for them splitting up (not true).

Anyway, I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through, I just keep on believing that what goes around comes around and she will one day realise that you cannot live in the past forever and making other peoples lives a misery only makes your own life miserable in turn.
I hope your OH's ex (and mine) sees sense in the very near future. I actually think it's called "letting go" and they don't seem to want to?

Hugs Sue. Take care.

Well, the day kind of sort of improved.

I got a call just before I left to go to work (at the school of a lunchtime) from my son asking me to bring his lunchbox in. No, he hadn't forgotten to pick it up. No, I hadn't forgotten to give it to him. I'd forgotten to even MAKE his lunch! How dappy is that?????

Doesn't sound like an improvement but it tickled me (Christmas dinner at school today so no packed lunch required!)

My son has a bazaar at his school today which his year is running. Somebody on the local Freecycle was advertising Christmas cards etc which could be used at a bazaar so I contacted the guy and he said we could have them and gave me his mobile number - this was last Thursday. I text him with my address and when I would be around (aswell as offering to pick them up). He eventually got in touch on Monday to say he would drop them off last night. As it is SW night my OH and I had to go to different classes so one of us would be here when he came round. I went to one at 5.15pm & my OH went to one at 7pm.

Well, we stayed up to 10pm and the guy never appeared. I know have to tell me son they won't have this stuff to sell after all. Which will be a disappointment AND it's also b***dy infuriating waiting in all that time for nothing.

I KNOW I was getting something for nothing etc but why bother advertising on Freecycle if you're not going to actually get rid of the stuff!!