Rays trip to Skinneyville!

My Grandma always used to tell me (many moons ago when i was still a chubby school girl) that i had puppy fat and that i'd grow out of it, but after years of being the centre of chubby jokes and laughing along with the comments (even making them myself before anyone else does) as only an insecure, over-weight person can, I've never really wanted to accept the fact that its no longer puppy fat, & that at 30 years old I'm quite plainly overweight and unhealthy with it. Oh, I've got quite good at pretending I'm ok with it - that big is beautiful, but deep down i've always craved that slim figure, to be the centre of attention because i'm slim and gorgeous rather than because i'm the big girl with the pretty face who makes everyone laugh.

Well i'm sick of being the funny one! Everyone thinks its fine and grand that i'm just happy being me and thinks its great that i eat what i like and that i'm confident enough just being me to not care about the fact that i'm big. People who think those things, don't really know me, i don't let people know the real me, the me that hates the fact that i can't fit into the clothes that i really like, who covers up infront of her husband because she doesn't like her own body, who avoids full length mirrors and reflective shop windows at all costs, who avoids social occasions just as eagerly as she avoids the camera. If people knew the real me, they'd realise that deep down, once you get past what i allow other people to see, i'm STILL the same shy, scared, intimidated little chubby girl i was when i was at school.
Years of bullying only made my weight problem worse. Going from fat, to anorexic, to bulimic back to binge eating and being fat. How many of us turn to food when emotionally things are bad?

Well ENOUGH IS ENOUGH i say! I'm worth far more than i give myself credit for, we all are!

And so the trip to SkinnyVille began............starting at Obese Town - just had a baby & bulging at 18 stone 6.....along the track to Podgy Town - 15 stone......
I think it was there i congratulated myself on getting so far on the Slim Train & jumped off for a quick stop which ended up being a Looooooonnnggg stop...........
back up to 15 stone 7 and here i am again, on the Slim Train and this time i've bought a ticket for a oneway, non stop trip to SkinnyVille! ( come along and join me )

After trying EVERY diet going.......Atkins, Calorie Counting, Cambridge, Weight Watchers, Slimming World.......far too many to mention, I've found Slimfast works for me. Not so much food that i feel i have to carry on eating (like with slimming world), but enough so i don't feel deprived (as i did with Cambridge)........

I WILL get to goal this time! I WILL be who i really am beneath this wall of comfort that i've built around me!

DAY 1

12.12 on Day 1 and all is well.
Survived the morning on a Strawberry pre-made shake. I'd actually forgotten how nice these shakes are! I used to drink them when i was pregnant to help with my heart burn because i liked them so much! My tummy is starting to growl at me a bit, but I'm telling it to shhhhhhh......mind over matter for the first few days until i'm back in the groove, but i'm feeling positive and drinking my water to suppress my appetite, i don't really think its working too well though.
13.20 & i'm still here! Shake 2 down the pipe and now supping a cuppa as its soooooo cold here! Still feeling motivated to stick with it - usually i don't make it this far before caving in to the call of the fridge!
16.16 - I CAVED!!! 2 sandwiches and a bag of crisps down and i now feel like a total waste of space! I can't even stick to it for one day! *slaps self REALLY HARD!*
Right, well thats me done for the day food wise. I think what i ate would easily cover my 600 calorie meal i'm supposed to have for dinner this evening, so i'm just going to have to go without!
So......todays food went like this - shake for brekkie, shake for lunch, 2 sandwhiches and a bag of crisps. Ok, so not the most healthy of options food wise, but i have to do damage limitation and try and make it through this evening in the knowledge i've already eaten my meal for today.
*note to self* - next time DON'T cave in and waste your 600 calories on something stupid! It DOESN'T make you feel better! It DOESN'T solve your problems! It makes you feel like cr*p!

hey welcome back!!...dont beat yourself up about today..its ok..and at least you didnt go completely off the rails and keep eating..!! how did you get on this evening? hope it was ok..i think water is the key...
i think realising you want to lose weight and actually physically and mentally doing something about it is the first think..so good job for finally getting back on the train to skinnyville as you say....
you could have just stayed the way you were going..so good job

good luck with the blog to.look forward to reading about how you get on!!..
youll be grand im sure.. you should join the xmas challenge..i have and at least it gives something to aim for in the short term!..
good luck x

Day 2 - (well actually a 2nd attempt at day 1!)