MissAma
Silver Member
Last year at exactly this time I was depressed beyond compare. It was my last day of being 29. I was to wake up the next day having changed prefix and having accomplished so very little for myself. I didn't want a party, having just failed a long, costly and painful IVF cycle and being a heavy smoker, morbidly obese, 282lbs, nearly 50 BMI woman who was out of breath even parking the car and wanted nothing more but to hide till the end eternity was nothing to celebrate.
It wasn't that I was binging or ignoring it, I had counted calories many a times before, had half-arsed started exercising and so on. It's probably the only reason why I was not 382 lbs. But I was surely going to die from that weight unless I changed it all around and I knew it. I wrote a letter to the me of today that day.
"Dear me of 2009,
I really hope you're happier than me. I really do.
Right now I am rather broken. Not enjoying turning 30 at all. Yesterday the dang IVF consultant said I need to lose weight (I am now 127kg before they'll do anything.
I could accept I need a year to cool off, stop smoking, lose the weight, get healthy and then I can dive into it and I'll get pregnant but let's face it what are the odds I can accomplish such a task?!? 50 kilos at least! And then again is it worth the effort, the wait, the heartache? Can I do all this alone all on my own as I can count on no one in my life for support?
When you read this I hope you're a non-smoker and a healthy, 80kg (29) and ready to get pregnant on your first go that's soon to come. I hope you get that chick, you deserve it!"
If we overlook the to the future me and all that :wave_cry: sob story attitude it's cheered me up. I didn't start right after that letter, it wasn't till January that I got my act straightened so I did still lose more time but nonetheless, I do want the party tomorrow, I listened to the 2008 me, I got my act straightened, when I despair for not being at perfect goal yet I need to remember I've gotten to where I didn't think I could ever get and beyond. So thank you Cambridge for giving me the tool to start changing my life.
It wasn't that I was binging or ignoring it, I had counted calories many a times before, had half-arsed started exercising and so on. It's probably the only reason why I was not 382 lbs. But I was surely going to die from that weight unless I changed it all around and I knew it. I wrote a letter to the me of today that day.
"Dear me of 2009,
I really hope you're happier than me. I really do.
Right now I am rather broken. Not enjoying turning 30 at all. Yesterday the dang IVF consultant said I need to lose weight (I am now 127kg before they'll do anything.
I could accept I need a year to cool off, stop smoking, lose the weight, get healthy and then I can dive into it and I'll get pregnant but let's face it what are the odds I can accomplish such a task?!? 50 kilos at least! And then again is it worth the effort, the wait, the heartache? Can I do all this alone all on my own as I can count on no one in my life for support?
When you read this I hope you're a non-smoker and a healthy, 80kg (29) and ready to get pregnant on your first go that's soon to come. I hope you get that chick, you deserve it!"
If we overlook the to the future me and all that :wave_cry: sob story attitude it's cheered me up. I didn't start right after that letter, it wasn't till January that I got my act straightened so I did still lose more time but nonetheless, I do want the party tomorrow, I listened to the 2008 me, I got my act straightened, when I despair for not being at perfect goal yet I need to remember I've gotten to where I didn't think I could ever get and beyond. So thank you Cambridge for giving me the tool to start changing my life.