eye6769
Vegetarian who lives2eat
My wife being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big ****ing red mark on her forehead
Ultimate phone prank:
1. Call the childline number and say 'I've just dialled 1471 and this number came up, who is this?'
2. Operator replies 'you're through to childline'
3. You shout 'TERRY YOU LITTLE C* , NOT AGAIN.... COME HERE YOU LITTLE B**TARD''. before hanging up the phone
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a ****."
Disabled toilets.
Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
I was at a cash machine when an old lady walked up and asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said I had to stop wanking !
Why? I asked
she said ' because I am trying to examine you '
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fecking start?"
I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big ****ing red mark on her forehead
Ultimate phone prank:
1. Call the childline number and say 'I've just dialled 1471 and this number came up, who is this?'
2. Operator replies 'you're through to childline'
3. You shout 'TERRY YOU LITTLE C* , NOT AGAIN.... COME HERE YOU LITTLE B**TARD''. before hanging up the phone
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a ****."
Disabled toilets.
Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
I was at a cash machine when an old lady walked up and asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said I had to stop wanking !
Why? I asked
she said ' because I am trying to examine you '
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fecking start?"
I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
